Ever Been Suspended For Using PHP?

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dragoneye_xp

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Topeka, KS - High school sophomore Brett Tyson was suspended today after teachers learned he may be using PHP.

"A teacher overheard him say that he was using PHP, and as part of our Zero-Tolerance policy against drug use, he was immediately suspended. No questions asked," said Principal Clyde Thurlow. "We're not quite sure what PHP is, but we suspect it may be a derivative of PCP, or maybe a new designer drug like GHB." Parents are frightened by the discovery of this new menace in their children's school, and are demanding the school do something. "We heard that he found out about PHP at school on the internet. There may even be a PHP web ring operating on school grounds," said irate parent Carol Blessing. "School is supposed to be teaching our kids how to read and write. Not about dangerous drugs like PHP." In response to parental demands the school has reconfigured its internet WatchDog software to block access to all internet sites mentioning PHP. Officials say this should prevent any other students from falling prey like Brett Tyson did. They have also stepped up locker searches and brought in drug sniffing dogs. Interviews with students suggested that PHP use is wide spread around the school, but is particularly concentrated in the geeky nerd population. When contacted by BBspot.com, Brett Tyson said, "I don't know what the hell is going on dude, but this suspension gives me more time for fraggin'. Yee haw!" PHP is a hypertext preprocessor, which sounds very dangerous. It is believed that many users started by using Perl and moved on to the more powerful PHP. For more information on how to recognize if your child may be using PHP please visit http://www.php.net.
...
there's other drugs you know..

TIF - Toxic Infitration Factor drug
AVI - Abnormal Virus Injection drug
RAM - Remembering A Memory drug
MP3 - Making Potatoes 3 drug
 
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The_Magistrate

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Haha!! I wonder what's gonna happen when they find one of his PHP books!

Oh no! A book on how to make PHP!!?? It's horrible! The poison these O'Reilly folks are teaching our kids!!! It's all the fault of the terrorists! They are influencing our kids with PHP!
 

swirly

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has nedren seen this? after all he lives in new york!
 

careerbridge

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Yee haw!" PHP is a hypertext preprocessor, which sounds very dangerous!! ....... its damn funny!! Nice work....
 

unpixelatedgamers

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lol, that would be insane if it actually happened.

You know what? I'm going to use some PHP right now. Maybe i'll add a little CSS as well.
 

lambada

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rofl... almost had me fooled for a minute.

That was hilarious. Poosibly one the the best jokes i've seen this year!
 

chitwa

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Yes
That goes to all you users of asp, jsp, java, cgi and other yet to be discovered stuff like ajax. Beware, big brother is watching you:mad:
 

dragoneye_xp

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...
Use it once...twice...three times a year at the very most. And be sure you know exactly what you are getting. there are ways to test to make sure you're not getting alkaseltzer or PHP.
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PHP is a drug that dealers sell to kids who think they are buying ecstasy. It literally cooks you from the inside by raising your body temperature until all of your organs fail. people take a few, think it's weak ecstacy and take more..and more.

Don't take php or ecstacy
...


Wow, I guess it really is dangerous...
 

azntechguy

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I'm sorry, but I could've sworn I've seen this article several months ago (or maybe it's deja vu?)

Seriously though, the schools are really f*'ed up, and I'm glad I'm going to college, where people are hopefully more aware of things!
 

Cynical

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PHP is a hypertext preprocessor, which sounds very dangerous.
Yep, hypertext preprocessors are pretty damn dangerous. A friend of mine got locked up for using one once, they sent him straight to rehab.
 
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