Woolie
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Well, I tend to be the one that has a moan at things, and so not to break the reputation, have a read of my latest blog post.... Comment if you wish :hsdance:
Edit: For some reason... Its dedcided to go walkabouts, so here it is....
Well, this is my first rant... I think it's pretty harsh so I apologise in advance. I have a real problem with most of the modern day web designers. In this article I will describe to you how to become a “web designer”.
1) It is a must, that even though the design may be perfect, you must **** up your use of the English language.
It is fundamentally important that you must talk with horrific grammar, atrocious spelling, gratuitous abbreviation and a childish, arrogant attitude. To be "in" on the net, you must spell every word incorrectly. For me it’s like the paradox that standing is more tiring than walking, writing in this "shorthand" is longer than typing actual words. If there was a reason for it, I wouldn't mind. But there is not. This "shorthand" or "txt spk" as it’s more commonly known was invented, and should be kept, just for that reason: txt spk (text speak). It is meant to be used on mobile phones. This is completely understandable as there is a very limited amount of characters permitted on a single SMS message. However, when using a keyboard with a messaging service, there is no character limit! Why the need to try and shorten words and make it just about impossible for any normal person to read it?!
By using this style of typing, you’re showing the person you're talking to that you couldn’t give a **** about your own native language, and you can't be bothered to learn how to type. Would you go to Sitepoint.com and expect to see this "shorthand"? No you wouldn’t, and that’s because people would ignore it: If the writer can't even be bothered to learn how to use the English language, they aren't going to be able to publish any decent content. After all, content is the reason why people visit websites, and if it’s unreadable, then they aren't going to spend ages trying to translate it.
****ing up your punctuation is a conservative but effective way of exposing yourself as a retard in front of the Internet, and it is important that you perfect the art! This is one small tactic that is guaranteed to annoy anyone with even a passing knowledge of proper grammar. How hard is it to place a simple comma in your sentences to make it easier to read? The answer is not very, but it’s too hard for you, so I wouldn’t even attempt it.
2) Criticise as much as possible
It is vitally important, that you mustn’t let anyone else get any credit. Take forums for example: If you see a post asking you to “Rate My Website”, you must immediately reply with some highly unconstructive criticism. Something like “it sux0rz d00d” will go down well. You need to be highly abusive and point out everything that “you” could do better.
If however, you’re the one asking members to rate your latest design, you must make sure that they’re all positive responses. If someone replies with some criticism or suggestions, tell them they must “stfu”. If they continue with their criticism, make **** up about you being a h4x0r web designer. Tell them you’ll "hack into their box", plant terrorist plans and child pornography, and tip off the FBI. (This works especially well if they live in Europe.)
3) You must hate Microsoft!
It is fundamentally important that you posses a complete abhorrence for all Microsoft products. Now admittedly, Internet Explorer is the worst browser in existence. I strongly believe users should always choose Firefox or Opera, but what’s wrong with Windows? Web designers complain about Windows more than any other operating system! There is nothing wrong with it for general client use?! It’s just one very large control panel. Admittedly it sucks up unusually large amounts of resources getting the GUI to look good, and is certainly not one of the most stable operating systems, but it serves a purpose. It has everything the everyday user needs, and that’s why it’s so popular. Web designers feel that it makes them look somewhat "above the rest" if they boast about using Linux or any other *nix environment. Well, *nix does its purpose and it’s extremely stable. It also has many other administrative features compared to Windows, but that does not mean it is superior. Far from it in fact. *nix makes up where Windows left off. After MS-DOS, Windows has moved towards the everyday user, improving and enhancing the GUI to plausible heights. *nix focused on the core system more, and improved the performance and efficiency.
There we have our compromise, Windows allows the user to experience a somewhat "Plug & Play" environment, and *nix provides a more powerful yet considerably less user friendly system. Windows is still an excellent operating system. A lot of web designers will complain about Windows being closed source. To be honest, if you were selling a product for money, would you make it open source? Think about that one.
4) Your site must only be viewed in Firefox
One of the most annoying things on the internet is to find a website that says "Can only be viewed using Firefox or another standards compliant browser". So, I immediately load up IE and view the website, and low and behold, they've screwed up the mark-up for IE. So this is a must for you to put in! Try and place a few Firefox advertisements that fill up half the page in there as well. You must say that your site is "too cool" for IE. Or is that you’re "too dumb" to code it for IE? I must admit, IE is a pain in the genitals and I think the developers should be shot. Every pure CSS layout I make I have to re-code many times to get it to work in IE, using sometimes complicated floats to get a working footer. Still, I must make sure my site works in IE, because the vast majority of visitors to websites still use IE. Web designers who make websites only for FF just do not have the knowledge to have cross browser functionality. This has nothing to do with wanting to endorse "standards compliant" browsers.
Edit: For some reason... Its dedcided to go walkabouts, so here it is....
Well, this is my first rant... I think it's pretty harsh so I apologise in advance. I have a real problem with most of the modern day web designers. In this article I will describe to you how to become a “web designer”.
1) It is a must, that even though the design may be perfect, you must **** up your use of the English language.
It is fundamentally important that you must talk with horrific grammar, atrocious spelling, gratuitous abbreviation and a childish, arrogant attitude. To be "in" on the net, you must spell every word incorrectly. For me it’s like the paradox that standing is more tiring than walking, writing in this "shorthand" is longer than typing actual words. If there was a reason for it, I wouldn't mind. But there is not. This "shorthand" or "txt spk" as it’s more commonly known was invented, and should be kept, just for that reason: txt spk (text speak). It is meant to be used on mobile phones. This is completely understandable as there is a very limited amount of characters permitted on a single SMS message. However, when using a keyboard with a messaging service, there is no character limit! Why the need to try and shorten words and make it just about impossible for any normal person to read it?!
By using this style of typing, you’re showing the person you're talking to that you couldn’t give a **** about your own native language, and you can't be bothered to learn how to type. Would you go to Sitepoint.com and expect to see this "shorthand"? No you wouldn’t, and that’s because people would ignore it: If the writer can't even be bothered to learn how to use the English language, they aren't going to be able to publish any decent content. After all, content is the reason why people visit websites, and if it’s unreadable, then they aren't going to spend ages trying to translate it.
****ing up your punctuation is a conservative but effective way of exposing yourself as a retard in front of the Internet, and it is important that you perfect the art! This is one small tactic that is guaranteed to annoy anyone with even a passing knowledge of proper grammar. How hard is it to place a simple comma in your sentences to make it easier to read? The answer is not very, but it’s too hard for you, so I wouldn’t even attempt it.
2) Criticise as much as possible
It is vitally important, that you mustn’t let anyone else get any credit. Take forums for example: If you see a post asking you to “Rate My Website”, you must immediately reply with some highly unconstructive criticism. Something like “it sux0rz d00d” will go down well. You need to be highly abusive and point out everything that “you” could do better.
If however, you’re the one asking members to rate your latest design, you must make sure that they’re all positive responses. If someone replies with some criticism or suggestions, tell them they must “stfu”. If they continue with their criticism, make **** up about you being a h4x0r web designer. Tell them you’ll "hack into their box", plant terrorist plans and child pornography, and tip off the FBI. (This works especially well if they live in Europe.)
3) You must hate Microsoft!
It is fundamentally important that you posses a complete abhorrence for all Microsoft products. Now admittedly, Internet Explorer is the worst browser in existence. I strongly believe users should always choose Firefox or Opera, but what’s wrong with Windows? Web designers complain about Windows more than any other operating system! There is nothing wrong with it for general client use?! It’s just one very large control panel. Admittedly it sucks up unusually large amounts of resources getting the GUI to look good, and is certainly not one of the most stable operating systems, but it serves a purpose. It has everything the everyday user needs, and that’s why it’s so popular. Web designers feel that it makes them look somewhat "above the rest" if they boast about using Linux or any other *nix environment. Well, *nix does its purpose and it’s extremely stable. It also has many other administrative features compared to Windows, but that does not mean it is superior. Far from it in fact. *nix makes up where Windows left off. After MS-DOS, Windows has moved towards the everyday user, improving and enhancing the GUI to plausible heights. *nix focused on the core system more, and improved the performance and efficiency.
There we have our compromise, Windows allows the user to experience a somewhat "Plug & Play" environment, and *nix provides a more powerful yet considerably less user friendly system. Windows is still an excellent operating system. A lot of web designers will complain about Windows being closed source. To be honest, if you were selling a product for money, would you make it open source? Think about that one.
4) Your site must only be viewed in Firefox
One of the most annoying things on the internet is to find a website that says "Can only be viewed using Firefox or another standards compliant browser". So, I immediately load up IE and view the website, and low and behold, they've screwed up the mark-up for IE. So this is a must for you to put in! Try and place a few Firefox advertisements that fill up half the page in there as well. You must say that your site is "too cool" for IE. Or is that you’re "too dumb" to code it for IE? I must admit, IE is a pain in the genitals and I think the developers should be shot. Every pure CSS layout I make I have to re-code many times to get it to work in IE, using sometimes complicated floats to get a working footer. Still, I must make sure my site works in IE, because the vast majority of visitors to websites still use IE. Web designers who make websites only for FF just do not have the knowledge to have cross browser functionality. This has nothing to do with wanting to endorse "standards compliant" browsers.
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