Chain Letter

[Nate_Benton]

~hello my name is _______, i am suffering from rare and deadly

~diseases, poor scores on final exams, fear of being kidnapped and executed

~by anal electrocution, and guilt for not forwarding over 50 billion f***ing

~chain letters sent to me by people who actually believe that if you send

~them on, then that poor six year old girl in Arkansas with a breast on

~ her forehead will be able to raise enough money to have it removed before her

~redneck parents sell her off to a traveling freak show.

~do you honestly believe that Bill Gates is going to send you and everyone you send

~"his e-mail to 1000? How stupid are you? OH! looky here, if i scroll

~ down this page and make a wish, i'll get laid by every playboy model in

~ the magazine what a bunch of Bull sh**! So basically this message is a big

~ F*** yoU! to all the people out there who have nothing better to do than to send me stupid chain mail forwards. Maybe the evil chain mail leprechauns will

~ come into my apartment and sodomize me in my sleep for not continuing the

~ chain which was started by Jesus over 2000 years ago and was brought to this country

~by evil midget pilgrims on the Mayflower, and IF it makes it to the year 2000,

~ it'll be in the Guiness book of world records for longest continuous chain letter.

~ of blatant stupidity. F*** THEM!

~if you're gonna forward something, at least send me something mildly

~ amusing. I've seen all of the "send this to 50 of your closest friends, and

~ this poor, wretched excusefor a human being will somehow recieve a nickel

~from some omniscient being" *forwards 90 times*i don't f***ing care!

Show a little intellegence and think about what you're actually contributing

~to by sending out forwards. Chances are it's your own unpopularity.


~THE FOUR BASIC TYPES OF CHAIN LETTERS:

~chain letter type one

~(scroll down)

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~ Make a wish

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~no really, make a wish

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~Oh please...they're never gonna go out with you!

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~NO NOT THAT!.....PERVERT....

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~ is your finger getting tired yet?

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~STOP


~wasn't that fun?

~hope you had a good wish =)

~now, to make you feel guilty, here's what i'll do...

~if you don't send this to 5096 people in the next 5 seconds, you

~ will be raped by a mad goat and get thrown off a high building face first into a pile of sh**.

~and this letter is TRUE so beware!

here's how it goes:

~ 1-5 people: they get pissed at you for sending them a gay a** chain letter

~6-10 people: will get pissed at you for sending them a gay a** chain letter and form a plot on your life.

~11-20 people: will get pissed at you for sending them a gay a** chain letter and burn your house down in the middle of the nigh.

~thanks and good luck!



CHAIN LETTER TYPE TWO:

~hello and thank you for reading this letter. You see there is

~a starving little boy in Blalfagtownish who has no arms, no legs,

~no parents, and no goats. This little boy could be saved,

~because every time you pass this on, a dollar will be donated to the

~little starving legless armless goatless boy from Blafagtownish fund.

~oh, and we have absolutely no way of counting the emails sent and this is all a complete

~load of Bullsh**!!

~so go on, reach out, send this to 5 people in the next 47 seconds

~oh, and a reminder...if you accidently send this to 4 or 6 people...

~you will suffer a slow and painful death INSTANTLY!


~thanks again



CHAIN LETTER TYPE 3:

~hi there!

~this chain letter had been in existence since 1897.

~which is incredible because there was no email then

~and it was probably just a bunch of pricks with nothing better to do

~ so this is how it works:

~pass this on to 15,047 people in the next 7 minutes

~or something terrible will happen to you like

BIZARRE HORROR STORY 1

~Miranda Pinsley was walking home from school one day..she had recently recieved this letter and ignored it. She tripped over a crack in the sidewalk, fell into the sewer and down a drainpipe in a flood of poo and went flying out over a waterfall. Not only did she smell nasty..she DIED. This could happen to you.

BIZARRE HORROR STORY 2

~Dexter Pip, a 13 year old boy...got a chain letter and decided to ignore it.Later that day, he was hit by a car and so was his boyfriend (hey,,,,some people swing that way) they both died and went to hell and were cursed to eat adorable kittens for all eternity.

~remember, you could end up like pinsley and Pip. SO just send this to your loser friends and everything will be ok.



CHAIN LETTER TYPE FOUR:

~As if you car...here comes a poem i wrote.

FRIENDS

~A friend is someone who is always at your side
A friend is someone who likes you even when you stink of sh**
And your breath smells like you've benn eating catfood
A friend is someone who likes you even if you look like a hat full of a** holes
A friend is someone who cleans up after you after you've soiled yourself
A friend is someone who stays with you all night while you cry about your sad, demented life
A friend is someone who pretends they like you when the really
Think you should be raped by crazed bunnies, then thrown to be at the mercy of vicious man- eating leprachauns
A friend is someone who scrubs the toilets, vacuums and then
gets the check and leaves and doesn't speak much english...
no sorry...that's the cleaning lady...my bad
a friend is not someone who sends you chain letters in hopes of having their wish of becoming rich and famous come true

......NOW PASS THIS ON OR YOU'LL NEVER HAVE SEX AGAIN!.....