ironcross77
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The First Affair :
A married man was having an affair with his secretary.
One day, their passions overcame them and they took
off for her house, where they made passionate love all
afternoon. Exhausted from the wild sex, they fell
asleep, awakening around 8:00 pm. As the man threw on
his clothes, he told the woman to take his shoes
outside and rub them through the
grass and dirt.Mystified, she nonetheless complied. He
slipped into his shoes and drove home. "Where have you
been?" demanded his wife when he entered the house.
"Darling, I can't lie to you. I've been having an
affair with my
secretary and we've been having sex all afternoon. I
fell asleep and didn't wake up until eight o'clock."
The wife glanced down at his shoes and said,
"You lying not nice! You've been playing golf!".
The Second Affair :
There was a middle-aged couple that had two
stunningly
beautiful teenage daughters. The couple decided to try
one last time for the son they always wanted. After
months of trying, the wife finally got pregnant and
sure enough, delivered a healthy baby boy nine months
later. The joyful father rushed into the nursery to
see his new son. He took one look and was horrified to
see the ugliest child he had
ever seen. He went to his wife and told her there was
no way he could be the father of that child. "Look at
the two beautiful daughters I fathered!" Then he gave
her a stern look and asked, "Have you been fooling
around?"
The wife just smiled sweetly and said,
"Not this time!"
The Third Affair
...this one is too much.............
A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her
husband opening the front door. "Hurry," she said,
"stand in the corner. Then she quickly rubbed baby
oil all over him and then dusted him with talcum
powder. "Don't move until I tell you to," she
whispered. "Just pretend you're a statue."
"What's this, honey?" the husband inquired as he
entered the room.
"Oh, it's a statue," she replied nonchalantly. "The
Smiths bought one for their bedroom. I liked it so
much, I got one for us too."
No more was said about the statue, not even later hen
they went to sleep. Around two in the morning, the
husband got out of bed, went to the kitchen and
returned a while later with a sandwich and a glass of
milk. "Here," he said to the statue, "eat something.
I stood like an idiot at the Smiths for three days
and nobody offered me as much as a glass of water."
The Fourth Affair:
Jake was dying. His wife, Becky, was maintaining a
candlelight vigil by his side. She held his fragile
hand, tears running down her face. Her praying roused
him from his slumber. He looked up and his pale lips
began to move slightly. "Becky my darling," he
whispered.
"Hush my love," she said. "Rest, don't talk." He was
insistent. "Becky," he said in his tired voice, "I
have something that I must confess."
"There's nothing to confess," replied the weeping
Becky, "everything's all right, go to sleep."
"No, no. I must die in peace, Becky. I ... I slept
with your sister,
your best friend, her best friend and your mother!"
"I know, my sweet one" whispered Becky,
"that's why I poisoned you!"
A married man was having an affair with his secretary.
One day, their passions overcame them and they took
off for her house, where they made passionate love all
afternoon. Exhausted from the wild sex, they fell
asleep, awakening around 8:00 pm. As the man threw on
his clothes, he told the woman to take his shoes
outside and rub them through the
grass and dirt.Mystified, she nonetheless complied. He
slipped into his shoes and drove home. "Where have you
been?" demanded his wife when he entered the house.
"Darling, I can't lie to you. I've been having an
affair with my
secretary and we've been having sex all afternoon. I
fell asleep and didn't wake up until eight o'clock."
The wife glanced down at his shoes and said,
"You lying not nice! You've been playing golf!".
The Second Affair :
There was a middle-aged couple that had two
stunningly
beautiful teenage daughters. The couple decided to try
one last time for the son they always wanted. After
months of trying, the wife finally got pregnant and
sure enough, delivered a healthy baby boy nine months
later. The joyful father rushed into the nursery to
see his new son. He took one look and was horrified to
see the ugliest child he had
ever seen. He went to his wife and told her there was
no way he could be the father of that child. "Look at
the two beautiful daughters I fathered!" Then he gave
her a stern look and asked, "Have you been fooling
around?"
The wife just smiled sweetly and said,
"Not this time!"
The Third Affair
...this one is too much.............
A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her
husband opening the front door. "Hurry," she said,
"stand in the corner. Then she quickly rubbed baby
oil all over him and then dusted him with talcum
powder. "Don't move until I tell you to," she
whispered. "Just pretend you're a statue."
"What's this, honey?" the husband inquired as he
entered the room.
"Oh, it's a statue," she replied nonchalantly. "The
Smiths bought one for their bedroom. I liked it so
much, I got one for us too."
No more was said about the statue, not even later hen
they went to sleep. Around two in the morning, the
husband got out of bed, went to the kitchen and
returned a while later with a sandwich and a glass of
milk. "Here," he said to the statue, "eat something.
I stood like an idiot at the Smiths for three days
and nobody offered me as much as a glass of water."
The Fourth Affair:
Jake was dying. His wife, Becky, was maintaining a
candlelight vigil by his side. She held his fragile
hand, tears running down her face. Her praying roused
him from his slumber. He looked up and his pale lips
began to move slightly. "Becky my darling," he
whispered.
"Hush my love," she said. "Rest, don't talk." He was
insistent. "Becky," he said in his tired voice, "I
have something that I must confess."
"There's nothing to confess," replied the weeping
Becky, "everything's all right, go to sleep."
"No, no. I must die in peace, Becky. I ... I slept
with your sister,
your best friend, her best friend and your mother!"
"I know, my sweet one" whispered Becky,
"that's why I poisoned you!"
