Love marriage or arranged marriage?
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I think people in western cultures can be overly critical of the concept of arranged marriage. I know people that have had arranged marriages and it has actually worked out very well for them. I'm not saying I'm about to go get MYSELF into one, or that people who don't believe in arranged marriage should be forced into them... but if two young people are OK with the general idea of an arranged marriage and it is simply the choice of partner that is arranged by their families, I think that can work out fine.
The main advantage of arranged marriage is that the mindset going into it is devoid of the unrealistic expectation of eternal happiness that goes into a lot of western marriages. Two people meet, are strongly attracted to each other and get emotionally attached, and our American mindset encourages them to think that this means they will be happy together forever. But the data show that this is simply not the case... after 5 or 10 or 20 years, the feeling often fades and you end up with half of the marriages ending in divorce.
In contrast, with an arranged marriage, at least there is the fact that someone (the parents) is thinking rationally in terms of long-term compatibility and stability, rather than short-term bliss. You pay a little up front in these marriages in terms of not always having that initial excitement, but after 20-30 years I think oftentimes people in arranged marriages are just as happy with their situation, or happier, than people in non-arranged marriages of similar duration.
All that said, I'm sure in arranged-marriage societies bad matches are made all the time. But bad matches are also made all the time when people choose their own partners. So overall, I think we Americans give the arranged marriage societies a bad rap. I've never seen statistics on marital happiness at the 25-year mark in arranged versus non-arranged marriages, but I bet those data would be pretty illuminating...
The main advantage of arranged marriage is that the mindset going into it is devoid of the unrealistic expectation of eternal happiness that goes into a lot of western marriages. Two people meet, are strongly attracted to each other and get emotionally attached, and our American mindset encourages them to think that this means they will be happy together forever. But the data show that this is simply not the case... after 5 or 10 or 20 years, the feeling often fades and you end up with half of the marriages ending in divorce.
In contrast, with an arranged marriage, at least there is the fact that someone (the parents) is thinking rationally in terms of long-term compatibility and stability, rather than short-term bliss. You pay a little up front in these marriages in terms of not always having that initial excitement, but after 20-30 years I think oftentimes people in arranged marriages are just as happy with their situation, or happier, than people in non-arranged marriages of similar duration.
All that said, I'm sure in arranged-marriage societies bad matches are made all the time. But bad matches are also made all the time when people choose their own partners. So overall, I think we Americans give the arranged marriage societies a bad rap. I've never seen statistics on marital happiness at the 25-year mark in arranged versus non-arranged marriages, but I bet those data would be pretty illuminating...
IonCannon218
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I rather marry someone i love instead of marrying just for money or whatever.
Love marriage for me. Why would you want to be fully and completely linked to someone who isn't of your own choosing? Financially, emotionally, sexually, etc linked to someone when even many love marriages end in divorce? I met a girl who had a marriage arranged for her (in high school; the marriage would take place soon after her graduation. She seemed like a happy person; until she talked about the arranged marriage. No one is planning my future except for me.
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Love marriage is the best way to go in my opinion. Arranged marriages of course are forced in a way and you never know how they're going to turn out. Love is selection/natural and if it doesn't turn out, it passes by without a problem most of the time.
allinone
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I will opt for arranged love marriage.........coz thats better over all options. it did not make your parents embarassed also you take the taste of love before marriage. so its best to have love with your fiance which is arranged by your parents with your consent and enjoy the feelings of love with her before marriage by having good conversations, dates and all
bawii
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I'm for love marriage, but then again, I don't think arranged marriages are bad either way, I agree with opine4me that they tend to be looked down upon in western cultures
there are many people in the world who wonder if they're ever going to find their significant other, and in society(which is such a broad term, so I'm going to restrict it to american society, cause I don't know much about other societies haha), there's this pressure that if you don't find the right one, you're destined to be lonely for eternity. it's in media such as movies, music, television, and commercials. there's always these fictitious characters that easily find their significant other while they're young and live happily ever after. marriage for love is a good idea, but it's extremely rare to find. people are so caught up in not wanting to be alone, they tend to rush things, and if things don't work out, they could always divorce, since everyone's doing it nowadays :/
in arranged marriages, you don't have to worry about the whole dating thing, and you honestly can learn to love people.
a marriage of true love would be ideal, but sadly enough, unlikely!
there are many people in the world who wonder if they're ever going to find their significant other, and in society(which is such a broad term, so I'm going to restrict it to american society, cause I don't know much about other societies haha), there's this pressure that if you don't find the right one, you're destined to be lonely for eternity. it's in media such as movies, music, television, and commercials. there's always these fictitious characters that easily find their significant other while they're young and live happily ever after. marriage for love is a good idea, but it's extremely rare to find. people are so caught up in not wanting to be alone, they tend to rush things, and if things don't work out, they could always divorce, since everyone's doing it nowadays :/
in arranged marriages, you don't have to worry about the whole dating thing, and you honestly can learn to love people.
a marriage of true love would be ideal, but sadly enough, unlikely!
I think love marriage is the way to go for myself.
The notion of loving marriages ending in divorce, even though they start out as happiness, is only to be blamed by the people in the relationship.
People seem to think that if you go into a relationship with love and happiness that it will always stay that way. And its just not true. Love isnt something that just...gets fueled by nothing. It has to be maintained, it has to be worked at. And maybe the thought of working at and love dont mix well, but its the truth.
As people age, they grow, they change. And that means relationships evolve and transform. And if you dont work together, those changes will push your relationship apart. And end up in divorce. If you fall in love with someone, that love doesn't just...disappear...or fade, though it may appear to. The love is blocked by other things. It may be stress, hard times, holding back(Not communicating), or many other things. But if you work together as a couple, then nothing will break that bond, if it is truly love. Love will conquer all, right? And its true, if you work together.
I think the biggest thing with marriages here in the US is everyone wants self gratification and dont put the other person in front of them(at least not over time). Also...people close up. Now this isn't just men...for you ladies. Men might not show their emotions because they're "men". They feel they dont have to, or that it isnt manly to. Which in those cases, they're idiots, because of if you dont, your relationship is based of insignificant and petty things. But women are just as guilty of closing up. They fear something in the relationship, they pull away thinking its the answer(same for men). Or they hold in something the saw or something that should be talked about, and they hold it in. And then 6 months later, they tell you, but now they're so enveloped in it that they explode about it, and lash out. This kind of stuff just happens. Maybe its human nature, I'm not sure. But its the wrong thing to do. BE OPEN AND HONEST. Thats my advice. No matter what it is. If theres a problem, if you want to say something, if something needs to be discussed, anything at all, then you do so. You dont hold it in, let it go, or wait it out. All that brings is trouble. And eventually your relationship degrades. And sometimes it's to the breaking point.
Now this is just my feelings. I'm in a relationship that I've been through things. When we didnt have any worries about bills or where we lived, we were perfect for one another. There was never an issue with our relationship. But then we started having problems within our lives, causing a lot of stress. And thats really where "Love" shows itself, and how strong a relationship is. When times are good, everything's easy. When times are tough, then thats when you either stand up or sit down. And she out of fear, started to pull back, thinking it would relive some stress, but her pulling back only distanced us more, and the entire time, i'm thinking she's losing her feelings for me. When in reality, she loves me and is trying to protect me. And it got to where she was so distant we may have separated. And if she had just came to me right away, talked to me about things, she would have known that it wasnt what I had needed, and our relationship wouldn't have gotten so low then. Now I say that like I know best, and I dont. Because later on I ended up making that same mistake.
But you just have to realize, communicating is the answer. Its not some stupid thing from womens magazines, guys you have to. And ladies, you have to as well. And be honest. Dont sugar coat things, dont settle for something, and dont let things go. Because if you're really unhappy about something, then doing the above, only worsens it.
That just one chapter in how to keep things together. I've got plenty more! Hopefully some of you take what I said, and run with it. Also, when I dont dont sugar coat things and be honest. That doesn't mean be brutal or rude about it.
The notion of loving marriages ending in divorce, even though they start out as happiness, is only to be blamed by the people in the relationship.
People seem to think that if you go into a relationship with love and happiness that it will always stay that way. And its just not true. Love isnt something that just...gets fueled by nothing. It has to be maintained, it has to be worked at. And maybe the thought of working at and love dont mix well, but its the truth.
As people age, they grow, they change. And that means relationships evolve and transform. And if you dont work together, those changes will push your relationship apart. And end up in divorce. If you fall in love with someone, that love doesn't just...disappear...or fade, though it may appear to. The love is blocked by other things. It may be stress, hard times, holding back(Not communicating), or many other things. But if you work together as a couple, then nothing will break that bond, if it is truly love. Love will conquer all, right? And its true, if you work together.
I think the biggest thing with marriages here in the US is everyone wants self gratification and dont put the other person in front of them(at least not over time). Also...people close up. Now this isn't just men...for you ladies. Men might not show their emotions because they're "men". They feel they dont have to, or that it isnt manly to. Which in those cases, they're idiots, because of if you dont, your relationship is based of insignificant and petty things. But women are just as guilty of closing up. They fear something in the relationship, they pull away thinking its the answer(same for men). Or they hold in something the saw or something that should be talked about, and they hold it in. And then 6 months later, they tell you, but now they're so enveloped in it that they explode about it, and lash out. This kind of stuff just happens. Maybe its human nature, I'm not sure. But its the wrong thing to do. BE OPEN AND HONEST. Thats my advice. No matter what it is. If theres a problem, if you want to say something, if something needs to be discussed, anything at all, then you do so. You dont hold it in, let it go, or wait it out. All that brings is trouble. And eventually your relationship degrades. And sometimes it's to the breaking point.
Now this is just my feelings. I'm in a relationship that I've been through things. When we didnt have any worries about bills or where we lived, we were perfect for one another. There was never an issue with our relationship. But then we started having problems within our lives, causing a lot of stress. And thats really where "Love" shows itself, and how strong a relationship is. When times are good, everything's easy. When times are tough, then thats when you either stand up or sit down. And she out of fear, started to pull back, thinking it would relive some stress, but her pulling back only distanced us more, and the entire time, i'm thinking she's losing her feelings for me. When in reality, she loves me and is trying to protect me. And it got to where she was so distant we may have separated. And if she had just came to me right away, talked to me about things, she would have known that it wasnt what I had needed, and our relationship wouldn't have gotten so low then. Now I say that like I know best, and I dont. Because later on I ended up making that same mistake.
But you just have to realize, communicating is the answer. Its not some stupid thing from womens magazines, guys you have to. And ladies, you have to as well. And be honest. Dont sugar coat things, dont settle for something, and dont let things go. Because if you're really unhappy about something, then doing the above, only worsens it.
That just one chapter in how to keep things together. I've got plenty more! Hopefully some of you take what I said, and run with it. Also, when I dont dont sugar coat things and be honest. That doesn't mean be brutal or rude about it.
nirav.thakker
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I come from a culture where though Love Marriages are not looked down upon or something, but are not very agreeable either! i would prefer an arranged marriage. its not about money or sex! our parents never thought that they were getting into the wedlock for the either, did they? no. same with us! arranged marriage would actually work cuz the decision wud be taken by some one much much senior to u in matter of experience and age! so the decision cud rarely be wrong.
i don't say that this decision cud never be wrong. i said it cud rarely be wrong.
Edit:
I come from a culture where though Love Marriages are not looked down upon or something, but are not very agreeable either! i would prefer an arranged marriage. its not about money or sex! our parents never thought that they were getting into the wedlock for the either, did they? no. same with us! arranged marriage would actually work cuz the decision wud be taken by some one much much senior to u in matter of experience and age! so the decision cud rarely be wrong.
i don't say that this decision cud never be wrong. i said it cud rarely be wrong.
i don't say that this decision cud never be wrong. i said it cud rarely be wrong.
Edit:
I come from a culture where though Love Marriages are not looked down upon or something, but are not very agreeable either! i would prefer an arranged marriage. its not about money or sex! our parents never thought that they were getting into the wedlock for the either, did they? no. same with us! arranged marriage would actually work cuz the decision wud be taken by some one much much senior to u in matter of experience and age! so the decision cud rarely be wrong.
i don't say that this decision cud never be wrong. i said it cud rarely be wrong.
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'''Define exactly what love is and those "love" marriages will succeed.
Arranged marriages are a thing of the past. Unfortunately most of the people in the world cannot comprehend what true love is and they get in a relationship with someone on feelings that THEY think is love. When this "feeling" dies the relationship dies. Why? Because people tend to act before thinking. Last time I checked "Till death do you part" was still part of marriage. Divorce is a scapegoat for the mistake the man and woman made by marrying without understanding their "love".
Love is more than a feeling, even a strong one. It is part of you and is wholly pure.
"4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
8Love never fails." -1st Corinthians 13:4-8
If the marriage died because their "love" died then it was never love in the first place.
Anyway, my 2 cents.
Arranged marriages are a thing of the past. Unfortunately most of the people in the world cannot comprehend what true love is and they get in a relationship with someone on feelings that THEY think is love. When this "feeling" dies the relationship dies. Why? Because people tend to act before thinking. Last time I checked "Till death do you part" was still part of marriage. Divorce is a scapegoat for the mistake the man and woman made by marrying without understanding their "love".
Love is more than a feeling, even a strong one. It is part of you and is wholly pure.
"4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
8Love never fails." -1st Corinthians 13:4-8
If the marriage died because their "love" died then it was never love in the first place.
Anyway, my 2 cents.
fuzzysystems
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Culture and media put this ideal that marriage is the ultimate sign of love and "togetherness". It's fine if thats the way people choose to see it, but some may choose to view marriage as a business proposal. It depends on how one treats marriage. It doesn't necessarily have to be about love.
SaurabhKumar
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I think it doesn't really matter whether it is Love Marriage or Arranged, I think what matters the most the life after marriage, what is the understanding level between them, the main bottom line how you understand your partner’s feelings and same applies for the partner. Which will actually lead to a successful marriage life?
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remy87x18
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I totally agreed with the above statement. Although I ideally it would be love marriage, but base on my experience and what I witnessed from the people around me, I saw more divorce cases in the love marriage case than the arranged marriage. Yes love at 1st sight is one thing but the real question lies life after marriage......that's the challenge. And this doesn't really matter whether it was arranged or love marriage. People who married for over 20 years still get divorced, hehehe. Life is like a box of chocolate..........
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well arranged marriages...you don't need to worry about dating and I think there are less divorces with arranged marriages? anyways the downside is what if you don't like the person you're arranged to marry?
I'm glad my parents don't do arranged marriages. I mean, I don't want to be married at all.
I'm glad my parents don't do arranged marriages. I mean, I don't want to be married at all.