My story

[SEÑOR]

I am currently writing a script for sum1 and I want some takes on it. Im onna post it here cuz My word wont lemme type in it and i cant get a picture.

here it is


Combination
Project: D.O.O.R



Sean: (bangs pop machine) God damn machine.
Michelle: Here, I have an extra.(hands pop)
Sean: Thanks(takes sip) I’m Sean. Who are you?
Michelle: Michelle, Michelle Rodger. So what are you taking?
Sean: I’m a doctor. I guess I’ll be taking a course on medicines. You?
Michelle: I’m a cop but I had an incident so I have to do some well something else.
Sean: What’s this Mysterious something else course?
Michelle: Don’t worry about it. So how’d you hear about this place, D.O.O.R Study?
Sean: I was invited here you?
Michelle: Same. That’s pretty weird.
Sean: Yah and what’s up with the name what does D.O.O.R stand for?
Michelle: I don’t know. I’m sure some science term.(smiles)
Sean: (smiles Back)


Else Where


Joy: (Walks down hall and then drops books) God. I’m so clumsy.
Sankah: (walks past the hall and sees Joy and runs to help) don’t worry you just dropped your books its not like you killed some one! (Picks up book and hands it to her)
Joy: (smiles) Thanks. I’m Joy.
Sankah: I’m Sankah.
Joy: Nice to meet you Sankah. So Sankah How’d you hear about this place
D.O.O.R Study?
Sankah: I was uh lets say chained up here (smiles).
Joy: Oh, I got invited here for my expertise in psychology, well that’s what they told me (gives an awkward look).
Sankah: That sounds cool but I must tell you something that is very……..
Joy: (interrupts) Oh my, look at the time I’m supposed to be going to this class now. Do you now where room 1C is?
Sankah: I would take you but I must tell you something about this place its not…
Trevor: (comes running, and interrupts Sankah by saying Excuse me(panting) Did you say room 1C, psychology?
Joy: Yes I did. Why?
Trevor: Oh well I was just going there.
Joy: Ok I guess well go together ( walks off with Trevor then turns back) Sankah? Did you want to tell me something?
Sankah: Never mind go to your class now.
In the Office

Josh: (walks in office door. Looks around). Hello? Hello? My names Josh. I was invited here to help move stuff for a big meeting coming up meeting on some kind of technology. No body here? Better go check the staff room or something. (as he walks to the door he sees black figures with red eyes walking passed the door. As they get closer to the door he hears whispers getting louder and louder. He runs to under a desk. The creatures move into the room. They pick up a remote like thing off from the counter. The whispers are very loud there is a ringing in Josh’s ear. He’s struggling but trying not to speak. The black robed creatures move out of the room and the ringing and whispers stop. Josh Yells with pain.) AHHHHH (he’s holding his head) what the hell was that? Something weird is going on here I got to go check out the other classes.


Business Class



Benny: (is sitting at a desk beside Brian) Hi mate, I’m Benny. And this is my wife Elaine.
Brian: Hi I am Brian (shakes hands with both). So where you folks from?
Elaine: Were from Canberra, Australia, the capital.
Brian: I’ve been there before. Very nice city.
Benny: Yes it is. So where are you from?
Brian: Vancouver, Canada. Anyways. How’d you guys find out about D.O.O.R Study?
Elaine: We were….
Benny: Invited here.
Elaine: For our excellence in negotiations is what they said.
Benny: We have persuaded people but well
Elaine: It is kind of weird.
Brian: I was also invited here. What kind of speeches did you say you guys had made to persuade?
Benny: Oh, just some stuff on some technology. No big deal.
Brian: Hmm, interesting what kind of……
(the door swings open)
Josh: Everyone. We have to leave now!
Elaine: Pardon me? Why must we leave.
Brian: Yes, why must we leave?
Josh: Well, I was invited here to move stuff for this meeting that’s coming up here or something. So anyways I go to the office to check in here and there is no one there. So I am about to leave when these dark figures come close to the door and there is all this whispering going on. So I hid under the desk. When these figures came into the room there was a loud ringing and the whispering was so loud. Then they took this remote like thing and left. Then the ringing stopped and so did the whispers.
Benny: But why must we leave. Maybe you were just imagining it?

Josh: Oh yeah then what’s this? (he walks over to the front desk and picks up a paper).
Brian: It’s the lesson plan probably.
Josh: But all the paper says is 1C 2A 3G 4E 5D.
Elaine: A combination of somewhat?
Josh: We gotta go back to the office and check this out.
Benny: Anyone in the hall we see we should get to come with us. This is a little weird.

(they go walking in the hall and tell everyone they see to come with them)

In the Office


(they see Trevor rummaging through all the desks and cabinets)
Sean: Who are you?
Josh: Also, What are you doing?
Joy: (walks out of the next room) I’m Joy. This is Trevor.
Trevor: We were invited here for our specialty in what we do.
Brian: Weird so were we…..
Joy: We also found this Paper with this combination on it.
Elaine: 1C 2A 3G 4E 5D
(Ding Ding Ding Ding Ding Ding)
( An alarm starts going off everything starts getting darker. They run out of the room. There’s whispers getting louder and louder. A ringing is going off in all there heads. They all start yelling. One by one they disappear. Until its only Josh left.)
Josh: Oh god its happening again!
(He sees 12 red eyes around him. The whispers he hears 1C 2A 3G 4E 5D are getting louder. A red flash of light comes up in his eyes.)





On a grassy Area

(Sean wakes up)
Sean: (wipes his eyes. Then looks around).What the..?
Josh: Yeah we know.
Benny: And you ain’t seen nothing yet… Look around you.
(shows a land of all seasons combined)
Brian: Mate, I don’t think were in Kansas anymore……..

Dont steal it form me
Please rate it.

 

[Nathan]

I read the first line of the story. Good story. If it says 'god damn' in the beginning it has to be good.

 

[SEÑOR]

I read the first line of the story. Good story. If it says 'god damn' in the beginning it has to be good.

LOL Thanks for your comment theres many more things like that

 

[SEÑOR]

Heres the 3rd(second below) episode to my story:


Combination
Exile



Sean: (Walks up to door and knocks). Hello? Sankah? Open Up
Benny: Sankah. Open up this door. What are you doing mate. It is us.
Joy: Sankah. Please open the door for me.
Trevor: Dude. Open the frikkin door. This ain’t funny
Josh: You have until the count of 3!
Elaine: Josh, maybe he just cant hear us.
Josh: 1
Trevor: Josh, she has a point.
Josh: 2
Trevor: Josh wait. I have an idea.
Josh: Oh yeah? And what’s that?
Trevor: This. 1C 2A 3G 4E 5D
(ding ding ding ding ding)
Josh: (sounding scared) You’ve done it my friend. Its happening again.
Brian: I wouldn’t be to sure about that…
Josh: Yeah? And whys that?
Elaine: This is why (she points to the open door)
Benny: (runs in towards Sankah who is sitting at a table in front of the door) Sankah? How the bloody hell did you do this?(he looks around at a full house)
Sankah: I did not…
Sean: Yeah? Then who did
Sankah: He did…(he points towards a man beat up and sleeping on the ground)
Sean: And who is he?
Sankah: He says he was on the bus….. He said he awoke and hid. Then I knocked him out.
Josh: Tie him up.
Sean: No. Lets act calm and just wake him up.
Josh: We’ll wake him up don’t worry.(Josh grabs a large stick that is near by)
Sean: Josh no. Do not hit him anymore.
Josh: (goes for the swing)
Benny: (Grabs the log)
Sean: (punches Josh until he is knocked unconscious)
Brian: Was that necessary?
Sean: He wanted to hit the poor guy. Look at him.
Elaine: He is pretty beaten up.
Trevor: We don’t know who this guy is I think Josh was right. I think we should atleats restrain him, until Josh wakes up.

(flashback)

Mr. Meistro: JOSH!!! Stop slacking off and start moving these boxes. Weve been late with 5 shipments this week. And you were incharge of all of them! Your giving meistro Moving a bad name Josh. And I don’t like it.
Josh: Sorry Mr. Meistro. I haven’t been able to sleep lately.
Mr. Meistro: You’ve been saying that for weeks now. Is anything on your mind?
Josh: I keep having the same dream where I’m walking down this street for miles and miles. Every time I go for a bit longer. For some reason I can never reach the end.
Mr. Meistro: Josh. I want you to finish moving these boxes. Then go home and sleep. Don’t come in tomorrow either. I want you to finish this dream. Then we can get some real work done
Josh: Mr. Meistro really I’m fine. I’ll start working harder I promise.
Mr. Meistro: No Josh. Do as I say. Finish that dream
Josh: Yes sir.
(flashback ends)
Josh: (wakes up) Ow jesus.
Sean: How ya doing?
Josh: Why’d you hit me?
Sean: You see that guy that we tied up for you? You were gonna hit him. Look at him hes already been beat enough.
Josh: Alright. Thank you. Now wake him up.
Sankah: I will do that. (walks over to sink pours water in a cup. Then walks over to the man and dumps a little on him. He wakes up.)
Josh: Who are you? What’s your name?
James: James, I’m James. I was invited to D.O.O.R.
Josh: Why weren’t you with us when we woke up here?
(as James tells what happened it flashes back and he narrates)
James: I was in the hall getting a drink form that bloody machine when I heard loud whispers. Next thing I knew I was on this bus.(looks around) There was no one driving. It was just moving. (looks at Joy sitting on bus)I saw a girl look out the window then faint. I got scared so I hid in the compartment below my seat. There was not much air as I struggled. Bumping up and down. I was knocked unconscious. I awoke and came out of the compartment. But when I opened it up It was no longer a compartment to a bus. I was out side the bus. The compartment was now in a rock… In front of the rock there was this small box that said HB. I just picked it up and walked along this long long road until I saw Sankah here. Digging. I asked him What is it that you are doing? He said Digging. But then quickly said who are you I just told him I found this box and that id like him to open it. He then knocked me out. And here we are now.
(flashback ends)

Benny: So Sankah. You opened the box and this came out? (laughs)
Sankah: Yes.
Josh: Is that a joke Sankah?
Sankah: No. I opened the box. And on a piece of paper it said dig a hole and put the block that was inside, inside the hole. Then fill the whole and say 1C 2A 3G 4E 5D. I did so and this is what happened.
Sean: Alright Sankah.
James: Will some one please untie me.
Josh: yes but then you must take me to the bus.
James: Sure. Yes. Alright.

(flashback begins)
Josh: (is having his dream. He is walking down the long long road when finally he reaches a bus. He walks inside the bus and on the windows have written on them 1C 2A 3G 4E 5D. he says it outloud, Ding Ding Ding Ding Ding. 12 creatures with red eyes and black robes appear repeating this same combination over and over. Then out of a compartment on the floor a remote shows up. He picks it up and presses the first button. The creatures disappear. And Joshs dream ends.)
(flashback ends)

(James and Josh are walking down this road. Josh remembers every little detail about it and recognizes it.)
James: There. There’s the bus.
(They walk in and just like Josh’s dream the has written on them 1C 2A 3G 4E 5D).
Josh: We better say the combination. Something about this place… That combination shows up everywhere.
James: Lets see what happends.
Josh: 1C 2A 3G 4E 5D
(Ding Ding Ding Ding Ding. 12 creatures with red eyes and black robes appear repeating this same combination over and over. Then out of a compartment on the floor a remote shows up. He picks it up and presses the first button. The creatures disappear.)
Josh: Just like my dream…….
James: I wonder what that remote did when you pressed that button.
Josh: I don’t know but I don’t think we have seen the last of those, those exiles.


Please rate

 

[SEÑOR]

Ive been working hard heres ep 2.(post before is 3) The final for a while:

Combination
The Long Night



Joy: (wakes up and sees no one is around) Hello? Hello? (starts getting worried and walks around) Hello? Hello? Hello? (she starts spinning and crying) Please help me Please! Help me please!!!!(she falls to her knees and cries).
Trevor: Joy. Joy. Joy wake up your having a nightmare.
Joy: (wakes up panting and crying) Where? Where am I?
Trevor: I don’t know darling I don’t know. But you’re ok for now.
Joy: Who are you?
Trevor: I’m Trevor? Don’t you remember. We were going for a drink when we walked by that notice board and it said.
Joy: (she mumbles)Your purpose: 1C 2A 3G 4E 5D…….. But we were in the hall…then the eyes…then the, the bus. I remember now
Trevor: Aye, what bus?
Josh: Ye Joy. What Bus?
(flashback of Joy on the bus. Her narrating as it goes on)
Joy: I woke up and I was chained up to this chair.(she squirms) I saw we were in this Bus.(looks at her surroundings) But there was no driver. We were just driving. I tried looking out the window(she turns to window) right when I did….(red eyes show up on screen)
Josh: The eyes… the Red eyes
Sankah: You to seem to be the only ones to remember this incident. Maybe youd mind to fill us in more……
Benny: Right now mate, I think we need to setup camp and find some food.
Brian: I say we all split up into two groups Benny, Elaine, and I will go to find some wood and supplies to set up camp. The rest of you will….
Sankah: (Interrupts) I will get the food, Alone
(flashback kicks in)
Joy: (Walks into a kitchen and sits at a table where a guy reading a newspaper is sitting)
Derek: (looks down form paper) Yes hunny?
Joy: Derek. I keep having these dreams….
Derek: About what dear?
Joy: You…..
Derek: It cant be all that bad now then(smailes)
Joy: You get taken away from me…. You just disappear. There’s dinging. Then an alarm goes off. Then it goes black. And, your gone.
Derek: Well, dear. Its just a dream. Its not like you’re a psychic or anything.

(Goes back to present day)
Brian: Are you sure……
Sankah: Sankah, my name is Sankah.
Brian: Are you sure Sankah? We do not know this place. We do not know where we are or if there is anything or anyone else out there. It could be dangerous.
Sankah: Do not worry about me. I will find my way around.
Brian: Alright. If that’s what you want. Everyone come with me. Gather any kind of stones, wood, and vines you can find.
Elaine: Brian. I think we should be a bit more creative this. Look we have snow and it seems like its 30 degrees out here and its not melting. In fact there’s flowers growing in them. We have Trees with green leaves and trees with orange and brown leaves as if it were fall.
Benny: I guess maybe we could be a little creative (smiles)
Sankah: I will meet You here in two hours.
Josh: I guess it’s a date.



(flash back begins again)



Joy: (is sitting at a desk in a office, supposedly hers. There is a patient lying down on the couch as Joy questions her) Mrs. Rodger, How long has it been since your husband has passed away?
Michelle: 3 Months (she says while wiping eyes) He said he was invited to some convention. 2 days later I got a call. It said My husband was found. Lying on the sidewalk he just kept saying the red will show fear when you look in. Do not look into the red. The red is bad. The red will show fear when you look in. Do not look into the red. The red is bad. He just kept repeating it over and over again. Then after he got to the hospital he yelled No No please not my wife not her. Leave her alone. No not the eyes not the eyes. He then started to shake and well. They lost him.
Joy: Mrs. Rodger, your husband kept mentioning Red eyes. What do you think that means? Not the Red Eyes?
Michelle: A few weeks before he passed on he kept having nightmares. He woke up in the middle of night screaming this combination of numbers and letters.
Joy: Do you remember this combination?
Michelle: Yes. One night I wrote it down.(she pulls out a piece of paper from her pocket. She reads it) 1C 2A 3G 4E 5D.
Joy: 1C 2A 3G 4E 5D? C A G E D? Caged?

(flashback ends)

(The group comes back with all their supplies. But there is a wall now and a door)
Brian: Did the Chinese come?
Elaine: What do you mean?
Brian: I never knew that there was a second great wall of china.

 

[narendra]

I usually dont read much , but i read the first and the second(3rd article) posts made by u
If someone has made me read so much, the passage must be good.
But I think its too much off the same something unknown thingy. Well, In the 3rd epsiode I felt it was moving a bit slowly.