Quotes

[Chris S]

Would anyone like to pose their favorite 1 liner quotes

 

[Brandon]

"I know not what weapons WWIII will be fought with, but WWIV fought with sticks and stones."
-------Albert Einstein

 

[SEÑOR]

"I say Good Day"
or
"Lets have a sexy Party!"
or
"PARTY BOY!!!!!"

 

[dragoneye_xp]

Directly from my Quote of the Day script:

var dmsg="[No message.]			 ";

greeta="Welcome to Dragoneye's Lair.";

qotd=Array(

"I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart. ~e. e. cummings",

"Join the army, see the world, meet interesting people, and kill them. ~Unknown",

"I don't deserve this award, but I have arthritis and I don't deserve that either. ~Jack Benny",

"When I was born I was so surprised I didn't talk for a year and a half. ~Gracie Allen",

"Too bad the only people who know how to run the country are busy driving cabs and cutting hair. ~George Burns",

"A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it. ~Bob Hope",

"If your parents never had children, chances are you won't, either. ~Dick Cavett",

"You can only be young once. But you can always be immature. ~Dave Barry",

"Don't you wish there were a knob on the TV to turn up the intelligence? There's one marked 'Brightness', but it doesn't work. ~Gallagher",

"If God wanted us to fly, He would have given us tickets. ~Mel Brooks",

"I'm a man of the world, Andy. Why, I've even been to Raleigh! ~Deputy Barney Fife (Don Knotts on the Andy Griffith Show)",

"The difference between man and animals is that we don't use our tongue to clean our [expletive]. ~Rimmer - Red Dwarf",

"A vegetarian is a person who won't eat anything that can have children. ~David Brenner",

"Reagan won because he ran against Jimmy Carter. Had he run unopposed he would have lost. ~Mort Sahl",

"Life is a game, whoever has the most money at the end wins ~Danny Devito",

"There is a theory which states that if ever anybody discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has already happened.  (Douglas Adams)",

"I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown.  (Woody Allen)",

"Marriage is a three ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering.   (Anonymous)",

"Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves. After marriage, the 'Y' becomes silent.  (Anonymous)",

"Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.  (Rich Cook)",

"When I played in the sandbox the cat kept covering me up.   (Rodney Dangerfield)",

"Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight. ( Phyllis Diller )",

"The Lord's Prayer is 66 words, the Gettysburg Address is 286 words, there are 1,322 words in the Declaration of Independence, but government regulations on the sale of cabbage total 26,911 words. (From an article on the growth of federal regulations in the Oct. 24th issue of National Review)",

"After twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes. He said, 'No hablo ingles.'  ( Ronnie Shakes )",

"Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.  ( Mark Twain )",

"I stayed in a really old hotel last night. They sent me a wake-up letter. (Steven Wright)",

"How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn't live there? (Steven Wright)",

"It doesn't matter what temperature a room is, it's always room temperature.  (Steven Wright)",

"I was hitchhiking the other day and a hearse stopped. I said, 'No thanks -- I'm not going that far.'  (Steven Wright)",

"Why in a country of free speech, are there phone bills?  (Steven Wright)",

"When a man talks dirty to a woman, it's sexual harassment.  When a woman talks dirty to a man, it's $3.95 per minute.  (Steven Wright)",

"On the Twelfth day of Christmas, my computer gave to me:  Twelve blown-out circuits, Eleven damaged diskettes, Ten disk-drive lockouts,  Nine burnt-out fuses, Eight worthless printouts, Seven system resets, Six I/O spasms, Five Blank Cassettes, Four garbled SAVEs, Three loose plugs, Two keyboard bounces, And a glitch on the video screen."

);
qotdn=0;while(qotd[qotdn]!=null){qotdn++;}
theqotd=Math.floor(Math.random()*qotdn)
tqotd=theqotd+"/"+qotdn+" - "+qotd[theqotd]

 

[Spartan Erik]

"Do not worry about your difficulties in Mathematics. I can assure you mine are still greater."
- Albert Einstein

 

[Woolie]

I haven't got many, but enough for the moment.

<?

$quotes[] = "Whoever said nothing is impossible, never tried to slam a revolving door.";
$quotes[] = "Most people learn by observation, and there are the few who learn by experimentation. And then there are those who actually TOUCH the fire to see if it's really hot.";
$quotes[] = "If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.";
$quotes[] = "When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.";
$quotes[] = "Hard work pays off in the future, laziness pays off now.";
$quotes[] = "If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?";
$quotes[] = "Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?";
$quotes[] = "If you can't fix it with duck tape you haven't used enough.";
$quotes[] = "Fight Crime: Shoot Back!";
$quotes[] = "If at first you don't succeed, cheat, repeat until caught, and then lie.";
$quotes[] = "You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where the hell she is. - Ellen DeGeners";
$quotes[] = "The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with. - Marty Feldman";
$quotes[] = "If God did not intend for us to eat animals, then why did he make them out of meat? - John Cleese";
$quotes[] = "Oh, I could spend my life having this conversation - look - please try to understand before one of us dies. - John Cleese";
$quotes[] = "The one thing I remember about Christmas was that my father used to take me out in a boat about ten miles offshore on Christmas Day, and I used to have to swim back. Extraordinary. It was a ritual. Mind you, that wasn't the hard part. The difficult bit was getting out of the sack. - John Cleese";


srand ((double) microtime() * 1000000);
$randomquote = rand(0,count($quotes)-1);

echo "<p>" . $quotes[$randomquote] . "</p>";

?>

 

[mattspec]

The more laws that are written, the more criminals are produced
~Lao Tse

 

[Cynical]

"Every little bean must be heard as well as seen", from All Quiet on the Western Front .

 

[Bryon]

Those who sacrifice freedom for security, deserve neither.

Ahh, that's a good one I think.

 

[Chris S]

ok well i got a script up

http://server2.clockworkcomputers.com/~nedren/chris/addquote.php

you can add quotes to that

 

[Sheepoholics]

I added this.

The U.S. goverment defines a terrorist organization as the group who use calculated violence or the threat of violence to acheive a goal that is political, religious, or ideological in state, By definition the U.S. goverment is a terrorist organization.
~Rody Walker

 

[humphrey]

"I'm going to live forever or die trying"