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Granted, but it is uselessly slow I wish for a eureka moment

five spam cans!

I kill you with my sense of self satisfaction generated by the thought of killing you.

Yes, although I don't use my xbox360 any more... that seems such a waste doesn't it? I guess someone who has used a large amount of paper today

896MB DDR2 on old computer, 6GB DDR3 on new computer, to be delivered tomorrow! Yay! I think I'll notice a bit of a difference...

Granted, but you buy a pirate copy and it doesn't work. I wish my new computer turned up about now

You go to get breakfast, then some chick in a skin-tight yellow leather suit turns up. You grab the gun you hide in the cereal box and go to shoot her, but the girl in yellow throws a knife into your chest before you can manage

You get the Russian Rock group B-2 (Би-2) I insert my eye

18, do you get the feeling somebody's watching you?

1928 it is

24 - If you are reading this, then Jack Bauer has saved your life...

Before any of this happened, I realised I am God, an extra-universal being, and I smite thee.

You get room 101 I insert Paul Merton

1911 was the year of a major UK census

Granted, but this tab crashes... I wish that I had more wishes

1907 - saw the opening of the Duma in St Petersburg

fifteeeeeeeen

Granted, but it gives you cancer. I wish that I didn't have to go to work

You get a poo. I insert a catheter

Your sense of humour causes the universe to implode, killing us all