:D Jokes :D

fierce

New Member
Messages
222
Reaction score
0
Points
0
x10 forum lacks with good jokes so I decided to post few .

Difficult Question

An 8-year-old girl went to her dad, who was working in the yard. She asked him, "Daddy, what is sex?"
The father was surprised that she would ask such a question, but decided that if she is old enough to ask the
question, then she is old enough to get a straight answer. He proceeded to tell her all about the birds and the
bees.
When he finished explaining, the little girl was looking at him with her mouth hanging open.
The father asked her, "Why did you ask this question?"
The little girl replied, "Mom told me to tell you that dinner would be ready in just a couple of secs."

No Extras!

A married couple goes into a dentist’s office. The husband is in a big hurry. He says, “No expensive extras, Doc.
No gas or needles or any of that fancy stuff. Just pull the tooth and get it over with.”
“I wish more of my patients were as brave as you,” the dentist says. “Now, which tooth is it?”
The husband turns to his wife and says, “Show him your tooth, honey.”

Condom Size Tester

A guy goes into a drugstore to buy condoms.
"What size?" asks the clerk.
"Gee, I don't know."
"Go see Sophie in aisle 4." He goes over to see Sophie, who grabs him in the crotch, and yells, "Medium!" The
guy is mortified! He hurries over to pay and leaves quickly.
Another guy comes in to buy condoms, and gets sent to Sophie in aisle 4. Sophie grabs him and yells, "Large!"
The guy strut over to the register, pays, and leaves.
A high school kid comes in to buy condoms.
"What size?" The kid embarrassedly says "I've never done this before. I don't know what size." The clerk sends
him over to Sophie in aisle 4. She grabs him and yells "Clean up in aisle 4!"

Top 8 Things You'll Never Hear A Man Say
8. Here honey, you use the remote.
7. You know, I'd like to see her again, but her breasts are just too big.
6. Ooh, Antonio Banderas and Brad Pitt? That's one movie I gotta see!
5. While I'm up, can I get you anything?
4. Sex isn't that important, sometimes I just want to be held.
3. Aww, forget Monday Night Football, let's watch Melrose Place.
2. Hey, let me hold your purse while you try that on.
1. We never talk anymore.

So it's your turn ..post some more jokes !

Cheers,

fierce .
 

kirtik

New Member
Messages
182
Reaction score
0
Points
0
Zero says to Eight: "Nice Belt".

Which of two cats on an inclined plane will slip first? The one with the smallest mew.

e^x walks into a bar, and asks for a sandwich. The barman says "We don't cater for functions".

A woman walks into a bar, and asks for a double entendre. So the barman gives her one.
 

RedhedProductions

New Member
Messages
50
Reaction score
0
Points
0
The 5 great lies of engineering. Decoded for your pleasure.

5. This is technically impossible. (Boring!)
4. I call you when I know. (...when you're not there.)
3. We added backup systems to be extra careful. (...that this project fails.)
2. We require better systems. (...because the load times for porn here really sucks.)
1. I'm not jealeous of your new computer. :)crying:)
 

Soki

Banned
Messages
857
Reaction score
1
Points
0
Top 8 Things You'll Never Hear A Man Say
8. Here honey, you use the remote.
5. While I'm up, can I get you anything?
Lmao. Well for those I chose to quote, I think are false.
For number 8, I would give the remote to them and leave the room, because nothing good was on. :p As for number 5, I would still ask them if they want anything. Since I am up already...but ehh thats me. I think all the others are true. xD
 

fempower

New Member
Messages
145
Reaction score
0
Points
0
One of my very faves:

President Bush, First Lady Laura Bush and Vice President Dick Cheney were flying on Air Force One.

George looked at Laura, chuckled and said, “You know I could throw a thousand dollar bill out of the window right now and make somebody very happy.”

Laura shrugged her shoulders and replied, “Well I could throw ten one hundred dollar bills out the window and make ten people very happy.”

Cheney quickly chimed in with, “That being the case, I could throw one hundred ten dollar bills out of the window and make a hundred people very happy.”

Hearing their exchange, the pilot rolled his eyes and said to his co-pilot. “Such big-shots back there. ****, I could throw them all out of the window and make 56 million people very happy.”
 

Max1337

New Member
Messages
268
Reaction score
0
Points
0
Condom Size Tester

A guy goes into a drugstore to buy condoms.
"What size?" asks the clerk.
"Gee, I don't know."
"Go see Sophie in aisle 4." He goes over to see Sophie, who grabs him in the crotch, and yells, "Medium!" The
guy is mortified! He hurries over to pay and leaves quickly.
Another guy comes in to buy condoms, and gets sent to Sophie in aisle 4. Sophie grabs him and yells, "Large!"
The guy strut over to the register, pays, and leaves.
A high school kid comes in to buy condoms.
"What size?" The kid embarrassedly says "I've never done this before. I don't know what size." The clerk sends
him over to Sophie in aisle 4. She grabs him and yells "Clean up in aisle 4!"

lmao, thats funny
 

Soupy

New Member
Messages
8
Reaction score
0
Points
0
One of my very faves:

President Bush, First Lady Laura Bush and Vice President Dick Cheney were flying on Air Force One.

George looked at Laura, chuckled and said, “You know I could throw a thousand dollar bill out of the window right now and make somebody very happy.”

Laura shrugged her shoulders and replied, “Well I could throw ten one hundred dollar bills out the window and make ten people very happy.”

Cheney quickly chimed in with, “That being the case, I could throw one hundred ten dollar bills out of the window and make a hundred people very happy.”

Hearing their exchange, the pilot rolled his eyes and said to his co-pilot. “Such big-shots back there. ****, I could throw them all out of the window and make 56 million people very happy.”
I had to giggle on that one. XD
 

fierce

New Member
Messages
222
Reaction score
0
Points
0
don't stop posting guys ..

What Not To Say To A Pregnant Woman
• If your wife or girlfriend is pregnant, you might want to avoid saying these:
• "Sure you'll get your figure back. We'll just search 1985 to see where you left it."
• "How come you're so much fatter than the other chicks in Lamaze?"
• "What's the big deal? If you can handle 'me' going in, surely you can handle a baby coming out."
• "Hey, when you're finished puking in there, get me a beer, will ya?"
• "Yo, fatass! You're blocking the TV!"
• "Y'know, looking at her, you'd never guess that Pamela Anderson had a baby!"
• "I sure hope your thighs aren't gonna stay that flabby forever!"
• "Damn if you ain't about five pounds away from a surprise visit from that Richard Simmons fella."
• Fred at the office passed a stone the size of a pea. Boy, that's gotta hurt."
• "Got milk?"
• "Maybe we should name the baby after my secretary, Tawney."

Cyanide Please
A lady walked into a drugstore and told the pharmacist she needed some cyanide.
The pharmacist said, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?"
The lady then explained that she needed it to poison her husband. The pharmacist's eyes got big and he said,
"Lord have mercy, I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband! That's against the law! They'll throw both of us in
jail and I'll lose my license."
Then the lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife,
and handed it to the pharmacist.
The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, "Well now, you didn't tell me you had a prescription."

EDIT : fierce .
 
Last edited:

Domenico

Member
Messages
117
Reaction score
0
Points
16
I have a joke. It's long, but worth the read. Here it goes:

A husband store opens in some city. The Store has 5 floors. Each floor has guys. The guys increase in value as you go up floor to floor. You can't get someone on a floor you've been.

So anyways, a girl walks in. The guys on the first floor are rich. She's interested but is curious for what's on the second floor. She goes up the stairs. The guys on the second floor are rich and nice looking. She's interested but is curious for what's on the third floor. She goes up stairs. The guys on the third floor are rich, nice looking and like to cook. She's interested but is curious for what's on the forth floor. She goes up stairs. The guys on the fourth floor are rich, very nice looking, like to cook are interested in possibly having a family, and likes to do chores. She's interested but is curious for what's on the fifth floor. She goes up stairs. There is no one there. The moral is you can't set your expectations in a guy that high because people like that don't exists.

ANYWAYS the store was so popular that they made one for wives. So a guy walks in, the girl on the first floor is hot. No one knows how the girls on the other floor are because no guy has ever been up there. lol
 

sawclient

New Member
Messages
1
Reaction score
0
Points
0
Lame one:
If girls with large breasts work at hooters where do girls with one leg work?
Ihop
 

bawii

New Member
Messages
24
Reaction score
0
Points
0
haha that's terrible!

would super lame pickup lines count as jokes?

... do you believe in love at first sight or do I have to walk by you again?
 

mraek

New Member
Messages
37
Reaction score
0
Points
0
What do you call a blind, deaf, dumb gorilla with a bad temper?

Anything you like, he can't hear you.
 

Dazz

New Member
Messages
371
Reaction score
0
Points
0
The last message you ever want to hear while flying LOL.

'This is Captain Sinclair speaking. On behalf of my crew I'd like to welcome you aboard British Airways flight 602. 'If you look out of the windows on the side of the plane, you will observe that both engines are on fire. If you look out the windows on the other side you can see that the wing has fallen off. If you look towards the ocean you will see three people waving from a bright yellow lifeboat. That's me, the co-pilot and one of the stewardesses. This is a recorded message. Have a good flight!'
 

bawii

New Member
Messages
24
Reaction score
0
Points
0
what happens if you get stabbed by 1/t?

it hertz!


*dorky
 
Top