Joke-off

[micahraney56]

The rules are:

No cussing (though you wouldn't anyway you sweet things:redface

Blatant racism isn't accepted. Only funnies here.

Celebrity jokes must be real celebrities (Obama and Justin Bieber work best)

NO KNOCK KNOCK JOKES. I HATE KNOCK KNOCKS. JUST BUST DOWN THE $#@$ DOOR!!!

This isn't a competition (though it may end up as one). Just tell your best jokes and we'll all be happy. You may tell as many jokes as you want.

Bad joke: A horse walks into a bar and the bartender says, "Why the long face?"

Good joke: A skeleton walks into a bar and asks for a drink and a mop.

Bad joke: Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side!

Good joke: Why did the goat cross the road? It was the chicken's day off!

Go!

 

[ChatIndia]

Once there was a mirror. The mirror used to kill the person who lies in front of that mirror.

First Person:I think I love my wife (died!)
Second Person: I think I never smoke (died!)
Third Person: I think (died!)

 

[micahraney56]

That's a blonde joke...

A Brunette walks in front and says "I think I'm the most beutiful person in the world!" -Poof!
A redhead walks in and says "I think I'm the smartest person in the world!" -Poof!
Next comes the blonde "I think-" Poof!

---------- Post added at 11:49 AM ---------- Previous post was at 11:45 AM ----------

Three girls (a brunette a redhead and a blond) go to an amusement park. There's a sing that says "THE MAGIC SLIDE". This sounds enticing, so they go...
The Brunette goes down and is screaming something about money. She lands in a pool of money.
The redhead catches on and says, "CHOCOLATE!!!" and lands in a pool of chocolate.
The blonde jumps and says "WHEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!"

Sploosh!

 

[maxxaathal48]

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. As they lay down for the night, Holmes said:” Watson, look up into the sky and tell me what you see?"

Watson said, "I see millions and millions of stars."

Holmes: "And what does that tell you?"

Watson: "Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Theologically, it tells me that God is great and that we are small and insignificant. Meteorogically, it tells me that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?"

Holmes: "Somebody stole our tent."

 

[micahraney56]

Haha. My youth group leader at church told me that one. Lettt meee thinkkk...

Three mice go for a picnic in the park. However, just as they find a good spot under a tree, it starts to rain. One of them needed to get the umbrella. They drew straws.
The loser went off into the pouring rain. His two companions promised not to eat and waited.



and waited.





and waited.





and waited. It had benn a full hour now!

But they still waited.




and waited.





and waited.





and waited. After two and a half hours, one of them said:

"Something's happened to him. Lets eat the cheeze". The other agreed.

Just as they reached for the cheeze, the third mouse pops up from behind a tree and says, "If you touch that cheeze, I won't go for the umbrella!!!"

---------- Post added at 09:56 PM ---------- Previous post was at 09:55 PM ----------

Yeah i have a knack for long posts.

 

[micahraney56]

My friend just sent this one:

A blonde walks into a store. "I'd like to buy that TV over there."
The clerk says, "Sorry, we don't service blondes."
The blonde leaves and returns with a red wig on. "I'd like to buy that TV over there."
"Sorry, we don't service blondes."
"How did you know I was a blonde?"
The clerk answered, smirking, "That's a microwave oven."