Make me laugh...

[Joker Boy]

Allright I am in desperate need of some laughter right now...
Below is a joke i found that cracked me up! Any other jokes that would do so please post :happysad:

A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see that his bed
was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then he saw an envelope
propped up prominently on the pillow that was addressed to "Dad". With
the worst premonition he opened the envelope with trembling hands and
read the letter.

Dear Dad,

It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope
with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with mom and
you. I have been finding real passion with Stacy and she is so nice.
But I knew you would not approve of her because of all her piercing,
tattoos, tight motorcycle clothes and the fact that she is much older
than I am. But it's not only the passion...Dad she's pregnant. Stacy
said that we will be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods and
has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of
having many more children. Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that
marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone. We'll be growing it for ourselves
and trading it with the other people that live nearby for cocaine and ecstasy. In the meantime we will pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Stacy can get better. She deserves it. Don't worry Dad. I'm 15 and I know how to take care of myself. Someday I'm sure that we will be back to visit so that you can get to know your grandchildren.

Love, Your Son John

PS. Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at Tommy's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the report card that's in my center desk drawer. I love you. Call me when it's safe to come home.

Thanks!

 

[Chris Z]

LOL that was great! Thanks for the great find!

 

[t2t2t]

Heres some i picked up from one of my sites forums:

Happy Easter

It's Easter Sunday
And what do i see?
A- Hippity- Hoppity
A heading for me?
It looks so FLUFFY
And it so oh white.
The possibility fills me
With such delight.
I pet it soft fur.
But something feels weird.
Thats no Easter bunny
That's Grandma's new beard.

---

Theres 2 packets of crisps walkin down a street when a tic-tac pulls up in a car and says do u want a lift and the crisps reply no thanks we're walkers

---
This needs highlighting because it isn't for all audience:

Q.what kind of veg makes ur eyes watery
its meant to be onions
A. u get kicked in the balls with a turnip

Funny Laws

-In Indiana, Baths may not be taken between the months of October and March
-In Florida, You may not fart in a public place after 6 P.M. on Thursdays.
-In Florida, Women may be fined for falling asleep under a hair dryer, as can the salon owner.
-In Arizona, Hunting camels is prohibited.
-In Florida, It is illegal to sing in a public place while attired in a swimsuit.
-In Mississippi, Horses are not to be housed within 50 feet of any road.
-In Florida, Having sexual relations with a porcupine is illegal.
-In Montana, It is a felony for a wife to open her husband's mail.
-In Alabama, Masks may not be worn in public.
-In Alaska, while it is legal to shoot bears, waking a sleeping bear for the purpose of taking a photograph is prohibited.

---

Funny Laws 2

-In Devon, Connecticut, it is unlawful to walk backwards after sunset.
-In Denver it is unlawful to lend your vacuum cleaner to your next-door neighbor.
-In Marshalltown, Iowa, horses are forbidden to eat fire hydrants.
-Hunting camels is prohibited in Arizona
-While it is legal for theaters to show movies on a Sunday, it is only legal so long as (1) they have a permit from either the city or the county and (2) at least once monthly they show a religious or educational film
-In Ohio, if you ignore an orator on Decoration day to such an extent as to publicly play croquet or pitch horseshoes within one mile of the speaker's stand, you can be fined $25.00.
-It is illegal for a man to give his sweetheart a box of candy weighing less than fifty pounds in Idaho
-No cows may be driven down the roadway between 10 AM and 7 PM unless there is prior approval from the Commissioner of Police.
-With the exception of carrots, most goods may not be sold on Sunday.
-It is illegal to be drunk on Licensed Premises (in a pub or bar).

---

in Canada i think when you buy a chainsaw it says on the ox "Please do not attempt to stop this machine with your hands"

---

If you caught with your shoes on while sleeping on the sofa you will be fined

---

Funny Laws 2.2

-It is illegal to wear a fake mustache that causes laughter in church.
-It is legal to drive the wrong way down a one-way street if you have a lantern attached to the front of your automobile.
-Dominoes may not be played on Sunday.
-It is illegal for a driver to be blindfolded while operating a vehicle.
-You may not have an ice cream cone in your back pocket at any time.
-A person may not cross state lines with a duck atop his head.
-It is illegal to sleep naked.
-Citizens may not enter Wisconsin with a chicken on their head.
-Oral sex is prohibited.
-All bathtubs must have feet.
-All sex toys are banned.
-Donkeys may not be kept in bathtubs.

---

I broke the state law by not wearing any shoes.

(last wasn't about me, like any)

NB! Rude joke ahead! To see it highlight it!

There is a man and a woman outside a club snogging when the man says to the woman, 'Wonna come back my place and we can go further?' so the woman agrees and off they both walk back to his house

When there they go into the room with the bunkbed and the man says to the woman 'Okay since my little brother is on the bottom bunk we will have to do it on the top' and so they climbed 'If you want it harder say tomatoes and if you want it in a different possition say lettuce. So the words fly for a while when suddenly the kid burst out shouting: 'WILL YOU TWO STOP MAKING SANDWICHES AND YOUR MAYONASE IS GOING ALL OVER ME!!!'

What do you call a dead blonde locked in a closet?

The winner of last years' hide-and-go-seek contest

My mate got ran over by a mobile library...He was on the road screaming and shouting in pain, and the man who was driving it got out and said sssssshhhhhhh

All content above was posted by different people on http://www.habombers.com/forum/viewforum.php?f=15

 

[Joker Boy]

haha wtf lol that was amazing thanks :biggrin:

 

[Brandon]

LMFAOROFL; those are some good ones; thanks and get some more now:biggrin:

 

[cactus1805]

look, there are 2 person on the road, the old person say that: this is my son. but the young say that: this isn't my dad. so, who is old person????? ^_^

 

[KowKing]

Two peanuts are walking down the street, and one is a salted.

 

[Joker Boy]

look, there are 2 person on the road, the old person say that: this is my son. but the young say that: this isn't my dad. so, who is old person????? ^_^

wtf that makes no sense but it made me laugh anyways XD

Two peanuts are walking down the street, and one is a salted.

Haha heard that one before its a good one :biggrin:

 

[Zenax]

lmao at all jokes!

I read the first one before! I was sent it in an email!

Try This:
NB: It is kinda long!

??????????? COSTELLO CALLS TO BUY A COMPUTER FROM ABBOTT

ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?

COSTELLO: Thanks. I'm setting up an office in my den and I'm thinking about buying a computer.

ABBOTT: Mac?

COSTELLO: No, the name's Lou.

ABBOTT: Your computer?

COSTELLO: I don't own a computer. I want to buy one.

ABBOTT: Mac?

COSTELLO: I told you, my name's Lou.

ABBOTT: What about Windows?

COSTELLO: Why? Will it get stuffy in here?

ABBOTT: Do you want a computer with Windows?

COSTELLO: I don't know. What will I see when I look at the windows?

ABBOTT: Wallpaper.

COSTELLO: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software.

ABBOTT: Software for Windows?

COSTELLO: No. On the computer! I need something I can use to write proposals, track expenses and run my business.? What do you have?

ABBOTT: Office.

COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?

ABBOTT: I just did.

COSTELLO: You just did what?

ABBOTT: Recommend something.

COSTELLO: You recommended something?

ABBOTT: Yes.

COSTELLO: For my office?

ABBOTT: Yes.

COSTELLO: OK, what did you recommend for my office?

ABBOTT: Office.

COSTELLO: Yes, for my office!

ABBOTT: I recommend Office with Windows.

COSTELLO: I already have an office with windows! OK, let's just say I'm sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal.? What do I need?

ABBOTT: Word.

COSTELLO: What word?

ABBOTT: Word in Office.

COSTELLO: The only word in office is office.

ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.

COSTELLO: Which word in office for windows?

ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click the blue "W".

COSTELLO: I'm going to click your blue "w" if you don't start with some straight answers. What about financial bookkeeping? You have anything I can track my money with?

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: That's right. What do you have?

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: I need money to track my money?

ABBOTT: It comes bundled with your computer.

COSTELLO: What's bundled with my computer?

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: Money comes with my computer?

ABBOTT: Yes. No extra charge.

COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much?

ABBOTT: One copy.

COSTELLO: Isn't it illegal to copy money?

ABBOTT: Microsoft gave us a license to copy Money.

COSTELLO: They can give you a license to copy money?

ABBOTT: Why not? THEY OWN IT!

???????? (A few days later)

ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?

COSTELLO: How do I turn my computer off?

ABBOTT: Click on "START".............

 

[Brandon]

WOW LMFAO.......hahahahah:weaksauce

 

[Joker Boy]

HAHAHA THEY HAVE AN :weaksauce EMOTICON FOR WEAK SAUCE!!!!

 

[cactus1805]

hahahaha...XD
well done Zenax, thanks about your post, it make me laught so much )