Marriage is about convenience NOT love!

hot100

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After watching my older mates getting hitched time after time after time, I have come to notice that actually none of them seems to have gotten married for the 'right' reason (love).

The guys usually marry a girl because she is super pretty, or can do some things in 'that room' or ...anything goes here but love....

The girls usually do it because, he has money, or is cute or has a future or looks like he'll give her great kid...or ...anything goes here but love.

At the end of the day, people tend to get married to anyone but the people they truly love. Look around you, tell me what you think?

Why aren't people so happy in marriage after a few years?
 

slacker3

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That's true (most of the times). People get married because they think "they have to" or "it won't get any better.." (which may be true :p ), or (insert random stupid argument here). I've seen this many times, and it doesn't make any sense to me.
 

seafury

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I married three times

Hi

The marriage for men is for several reasons:

1. When you're young regularly is for stupidity, something looks like love, but usually is not.
2. At twenties is for pragmatism, more than for love, great looking girl, and you get married before you can realize that is the Devil in a blue dress
3. At 30ties is for solitude
4. Fourties it's time for a second chance, usually repeats some of the previous stupidity


The marriage for women is for different kind of reasons;

1. Teenageers: stupidity, usually pregnancy
2. Twenties money
3. Thirties, money
4. Fourties, money, and so on.


Fortunatelly this is not a Law, if ypou are lucky enought, you can find a nice woman, with noble feelings and a clean soul, but if this is the case, then YOU must need the money. remember pals the happiness not always is a 36C blonde.
 
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fractalfeline

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lmao @ seafury

You'd think we're all money-grubbers from that post! I mean, it's sheer luck if you find a "nice woman, with noble feelings" eh? (Good luck with the clean soul though, that is truly rare indeed.)

What I find to be true is that the "nice woman" is plentiful enough, they just have quite a bit of trouble attracting men when they have to compete with the "36C blonde".

But then again... is a man who is only concerned about the looks of a woman worth having anyhow? Meanwhile there's plenty of cats in the pet shop right?
 

phazzedout

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If I began to tell you how many people I have met that try to meet people for the wrong reasons. Let me make a simple list.

(Mormon Friend, for sake of Forum her name is Sally) An acquaintance of mine by the name of Sally has not had a long or serious relationship so far, her age is about 20. When she met a man that she wanted, which was motivated, with "goals" a job, etc. you know all the things a woman want without giving anything in return. Well this man was on his way on getting his M.D. but ... there is a catch. Sally is as prude as a 5 year old, and this man was a regular male who wanted sex after they knew each others name. 4 months past and Sally was not even letting him get to second base. He left her.

This story is not pointless. Let me explain. I have summed it all down to what men essentially want (there is more but this is the essentials, and what I have seen within my own family) men want three main things before they go on to anything more serious.

1. Men want food. Especially men of foreign cultures (Cultures foreign to the U.S.) if you can cook you just almost guaranteed a spot in his heart.
2. Men want toys. I am not talking about action figures, they are grown men. They love playing with their new toys such as a car, or television. Basically anything that entertains them, if you take that away from them, they will be bored and communicating is not something a man enjoys.
3. Men want sex. Pretty straight forward, sex is great.

Of course there is more like looks and she has to talk in their level, and of course no girl can control a man or he will feel less of himself and leave.

Sally did not feed him, (The future M.D. is Hispanic, meet a Hispanic male, if you don't feed them, they don't feel the love.)
Sally thought every of his hobbies were idiotic or childish, (The future M.D. was into Star Wars and would collect figurines.)
Sally didn't see sex as an option, (A 20 year old man... yea...)

As for woman, it is true, they want someone with money. They also have many other things they want but men don't do those things. Most men don't want to communicate or talk about their feelings.
 

fractalfeline

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If I began to tell you how many people I have met that try to meet people for the wrong reasons. Let me make a simple list.

(Mormon Friend, for sake of Forum her name is Sally) An acquaintance of mine by the name of Sally has not had a long or serious relationship so far, her age is about 20. When she met a man that she wanted, which was motivated, with "goals" a job, etc. you know all the things a woman want without giving anything in return. Well this man was on his way on getting his M.D. but ... there is a catch. Sally is as prude as a 5 year old, and this man was a regular male who wanted sex after they knew each others name. 4 months past and Sally was not even letting him get to second base. He left her.

This story is not pointless. Let me explain. I have summed it all down to what men essentially want (there is more but this is the essentials, and what I have seen within my own family) men want three main things before they go on to anything more serious.

1. Men want food. Especially men of foreign cultures (Cultures foreign to the U.S.) if you can cook you just almost guaranteed a spot in his heart.
2. Men want toys. I am not talking about action figures, they are grown men. They love playing with their new toys such as a car, or television. Basically anything that entertains them, if you take that away from them, they will be bored and communicating is not something a man enjoys.
3. Men want sex. Pretty straight forward, sex is great.

Of course there is more like looks and she has to talk in their level, and of course no girl can control a man or he will feel less of himself and leave.

Sally did not feed him, (The future M.D. is Hispanic, meet a Hispanic male, if you don't feed them, they don't feel the love.)
Sally thought every of his hobbies were idiotic or childish, (The future M.D. was into Star Wars and would collect figurines.)
Sally didn't see sex as an option, (A 20 year old man... yea...)

As for woman, it is true, they want someone with money. They also have many other things they want but men don't do those things. Most men don't want to communicate or talk about their feelings.

Congratulations! Your skill in Stereotyping has increased!

Welcome to the Male vs. Female debate. Please enjoy your stay. Please note the signs that indicate the direction to the Venus and Mars sides, for women and men respectively. As a precaution, please tuck your breasts and penises into your shirts and pants respectively in order to avoid them being stepped on. Have a wonderful day!
 

phazzedout

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Congratulations! Your skill in Stereotyping has increased!

Welcome to the Male vs. Female debate. Please enjoy your stay. Please note the signs that indicate the direction to the Venus and Mars sides, for women and men respectively. As a precaution, please tuck your breasts and penises into your shirts and pants respectively in order to avoid them being stepped on. Have a wonderful day!

Lol well I did say that is basically what it is about, or an over generalization. I am not saying it is all completely true. Overall that is what men and woman think about. Once woman get older and older and more experienced looking for love becomes less of a priority. Money becomes more of a priority to them, almost out of necessity. This is not all true in some cases. Some woman try to become independent of the patriarchal household. Some men do not mind this change in their views on families but some men do and see this as a sort of castration. I just generalize to make a point. I could go on and write the sociological aspect of woman and man but would anyone read it, of course not.
 

fractalfeline

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Lol well I did say that is basically what it is about, or an over generalization. I am not saying it is all completely true. Overall that is what men and woman think about.
Really? I get to wondering how much exception there is to the rule.
<snip>
I just generalize to make a point. I could go on and write the sociological aspect of woman and man but would anyone read it, of course not.
By all means. I'm rather curious. If you write it, I'll read it.
 

blackwood

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Well, as of the 17th of this month, I have been married 20 years. I have three beautiful daughters, a cat, a dog, 21 fish, and my daughter's snake.

Married for love is married for life, and vice versa. No complaints, no regrets.

Yes, I have seen many, many of our friends go through three or more marriages and divorces during our years together. We're lucky, and I'm grateful.

I wish everyone could find their soulmate. It's a great life.
 

dj0wns

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I feel the main reason for divorce is that many young people marry for lust not love. They just marry out of impulse. My brother (who is 24) has friends his age that have already divorced. I mean come on, at that point you might not get married in the first place.
 

phazzedout

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By all means. I'm rather curious. If you write it, I'll read it.

You would really read everything I wrote on the sociological and psychological aspect of the men and women. I would not. I wouldn't even read a text book about this. In any case, Men are not from "Mars" and Woman are not from "Venus" we are more related than different but we tend to focus on the differences and that is what separates us and keeps us in the dark of how a relationship could work or even a marriage in this case.

Many people do marry out of convenience. My parents are a prime example.
 

fractalfeline

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Well, as of the 17th of this month, I have been married 20 years. I have three beautiful daughters, a cat, a dog, 21 fish, and my daughter's snake.

Married for love is married for life, and vice versa. No complaints, no regrets.

Yes, I have seen many, many of our friends go through three or more marriages and divorces during our years together. We're lucky, and I'm grateful.

I wish everyone could find their soulmate. It's a great life.

Ah, congrats! :biggrin: I think we hear more about the failures than we hear about the successes. I'm glad that you shared yours! To 20 more years eh?!
 

angela29

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I am 29. Married for 4 years now. I got married when I was twenty for stability...not money, I made more money than him......I was stable financially but in every other aspect...not much love support, kindness respect on his end, so I got divorced not long after. Second time around and this will be my last time, I married or love, financially we are more unstable but very happy and have two beautiful daughters to show for it.

People marry because they are co-dependent. The must have someone to share their life with. What is that one saying happines is nothing uless you canshare it with someone. It is nice to have a friend that will always be there when you need them. Someone to talk to when you need it, Someone to wipe the tears away tell you when you have spinach in your teeth or giggle when your pretty little three year old rips a big fart at the dinner table( she takes after her daddy:) .

People today have , which is one reason why our landfills are so full is we trash everything. If something becomes to hard to work on, difficult to deal with we trash it, just to get something new that will fail in probably the same way in a couple of years. All that thing needed was some work, some wood putty, a new coat of paint, a nice polish and it would have last a lifetime. People give up to easy when it becomes alittle to hard for them. Just like fairytails to get to the happy ending there are many wicked witches to run over and flying monkeys to shoot, and poison apples to eat. A happy marriage is all worth the small troubles along the way.
 

fractalfeline

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You would really read everything I wrote on the sociological and psychological aspect of the men and women. I would not. I wouldn't even read a text book about this. In any case, Men are not from "Mars" and Woman are not from "Venus" we are more related than different but we tend to focus on the differences and that is what separates us and keeps us in the dark of how a relationship could work or even a marriage in this case.

To be blunt: I actually like sociology, anthropology, culture studies, philosophy, and the like, and enjoy a good read. Yes, I actually do enjoy reading sociology and anthropology text books, as I find it endlessly fascinating. I suppose what I'm trying to say is: just because YOU think a certain way, and YOU like something, and YOU dislike something, and YOU have an opinion, does not mean everyone else has the same thinking patterns, likes, dislikes, and opinions.



So back to the first contention I had with you: you can't generalize what All Men Want and What All Women Want based, from what I could gather, on what You and Your Friends in High School and College want, and your (dare I say) limited experiences with women. Just because YOUR parents are married for convenience does not mean you can speak for the entire demographic of the Western World, period. You can only speak from your own experience, what you have observed to be true, and your ~ perspective ~. Period.



Unless, of course, you've actually done some reading and research about sociology, culture, especially related to gender issues, and maybe a little about generational gaps. Perspectives about gender roles certainly have changed since the 60s, and you'll find vastly different ideas between the WWII generation, the boomers, Gen X and Gen Y. As Gen Y, I know my views about the role of women in society is different from my mother, an early Boomer. Even the idea of what marriage is about has changed over the centuries and millenia: Greek and Roman ideas, Judean ideas, Medieval ideas, Renaissance, the rise of Romanticism, the Enlightenment era, Feminism... all these ideas and movements have changed the idea of marriage and gender roles. Certainly, you're aware of all this?



To be honest: I found your statement of "I could go on and write the sociological aspect of woman and man but would anyone read it, of course not." as "I'm a pretentious idiot trying really hard to make people believe that I have some basis for my ideas other than my own limited experiences, and that I might actually be educated about the subject, but in reality I'm just blowing steam. I don't think anyone will call my BS." Well I called it. Let see your cards! Do you REALLY know anything about sociology? If I was really interested in having a well-thought out, educated discussion with you about marriage, gender roles, and the like, would you be able to hold up your end?



Meanwhile, I've noticed that you've suddenly changed tactics. Whereas before you're like "omg men want totally different things than women, women only want money, men only want food, toys, and sex" you are now like "omg people focus too much on the differences between men and women, they aren't really that different" Pffaw. Ok, so... are you trying to say that the differences between what men want and what women want are not altogether that different, that humans in general tend to want similar things, that maybe it's Not That Simple? It's not as simple as Mars and Venus, sex vs. money? Well... who'd have thunk that eh?



Re: Angela

I am glad that you found happiness in your marriage! I think you're view on the modern marriage is more in keeping with reality :) With today's ideas of instant gratification and Me First, it sure is hard to find people who believe in Building Things to Last. I hope for many years of success and happiness for you!
 

phazzedout

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@kefka_asylum The human species automatically tries to find a mate. What you say is not remotely possible.
 

xav0989

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@kefka_asylum The human species automatically tries to find a mate. What you say is not remotely possible.
I entirely agree with you. At first, it simply was a quest for a mate, that could help you (either man or woman) procreate to make the specie live on. However, as we tend to make everything complicated, we added love, lust and many other aspects. But I still believe that deep down, the only thing we want is to pass down our genes. Now the best way to do it, either through tons of one night stands or a stable steady marriage is entirely personal, and I have not made up my mind about it, although I kinda tend toward the stability.
 

hot100

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Well, true that humans are fundamentally sexual. We are all about the opposite sex for the same. However, there is this thing labeled love that causes people to get married and stuff. I think its for only convenience. You see, you like, you want to keep to yourself. I think it also speaks to our selfish streak or call it survival instinct.
 

sedesign

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You're spot on, people get bored with looks after a while and then the marriage fails.

I think people get married because their other half is "the one that stuck around the morning after" in alot of cases. We will in an instant world these days, everything from sending a letter to purchasing things is done so quickly (i.e. email and online shopping) its the same with marriage... people just get down on one knee for the first person that is aesthetically pleasing and will jump in the sack any time, instead of holding out for someone who they are truly meant to be with.
 
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