Good Joke

[ichwar]

rotfl...

here's what's called a let down joke:

A boy is standing inline at the school cafeteria, and when he gets up to the counter, he asks for purple spagetti. The person behind the counter exclaims: "PURPLE SPAGETTI!?! Get out of this school right now!"
So the boy goes home.
When he gets home, his dad asks him: "Why are you home so early son?" He replies, "well, I was at the school cafeteria and I asked for purple spagetti and..." "PURPLE SPAGETTI!?!" his father exclaims, "Get out of this house right now, you're not my son any more!"
So the boy goes out of the house and goes over to his friends house. His friend asks him: "Why are you here?" The boy replies, "well, I was at the school cafeteria and I asked for purple spagetti and..." "PURPLE SPAGETTI!?!" his friend bursts out, "Get out of my house right now, you're not my friend any more!"
The boy tries this with the same results at the town grocer, then the mayer, then he finally works all the way up to the president.
The president asks him: "Why are you so glum?" The boy replies: "He replies, "well, I was at the school cafeteria and I asked for purple spagetti and..." "purple spagetti?" the president remarks, "you must be one hungry boy to ask for purple spagetti. Why don't you go over to that sandwich shop across the street and buy your self something to eat."
The boy took his suggestion and started to cross the road when he got run over by a car.
Moral of the story is: Look both ways before you cross the road! lol

ok, I'll post a better one next time.

 

[Criptex]

Wow... that's a little bit frustating, purple spagetti sounded so cool!
Edit:

rotfl... .

What does that mean? sorry, I'm not that good at english!.

 

[anger2headshot]

Wow... that's a little bit frustating, purple spagetti sounded so cool!
Edit:


What does that mean? sorry, I'm not that good at english!.

It stands for rolling on the floor laughing. It's used as an internet acronym. I highly advise you NOT to use it in real life.

 

[diabolo]

here's another one of those let down jokes:

so one day a sailor was returning back home and fell off the rocks, another ship was coming in and would have crushed him if this guy have not thrown him a rope.

so once the sailor got back on land, he said: "Wow, you saved my life. Is there any way i can repay you?" and the guy replied: "Well i was actually looking for my job on the way down here" the sailor asked him what he did as a job. the man replied, a gloop maker. so not wanting to sound ignorant the sailor went, oh sure i'll put in a word for you to my supervisor.

so the sailor goes to his supervisor and says: Look, this man saved my life, and he is looking for a job; do you think we can give him one. his supervisor asks him what does he do, the sailor replied a gloop maker. Not wanting to sound ignorant the supervisor said, o yeah sure, but it isn't my decision. I'll go talk to the captain about it

the supervisor then goes to the captain

and i'll finish up later; i believe it is called the gloop maker or something like that you can google it if you are anxious or wait for me

 

[Criptex]

It stands for rolling on the floor laughing. It's used as an internet acronym. I highly advise you NOT to use it in real life.

thanks. now I can rotfl!!! lol
Edit:

here's another one of those let down jokes:

so one day a sailor was returning back home and fell off the rocks, another ship was coming in and would have crushed him if this guy have not thrown him a rope.

so once the sailor got back on land, he said: "Wow, you saved my life. Is there any way i can repay you?" and the guy replied: "Well i was actually looking for my job on the way down here" the sailor asked him what he did as a job. the man replied, a gloop maker. so not wanting to sound ignorant the sailor went, oh sure i'll put in a word for you to my supervisor.

so the sailor goes to his supervisor and says: Look, this man saved my life, and he is looking for a job; do you think we can give him one. his supervisor asks him what does he do, the sailor replied a gloop maker. Not wanting to sound ignorant the supervisor said, o yeah sure, but it isn't my decision. I'll go talk to the captain about it

the supervisor then goes to the captain

and i'll finish up later; i believe it is called the gloop maker or something like that you can google it if you are anxious or wait for me

I found the rest of the joke! http://www.boyscouttrail.com/content/story/story-1096.asp is frustating and funny at the same time.
Edit:
-Doctor, I'm here because I want you to extract my teeth.
-But mam, you don't have teeth.
-Yes sir, I just swallowed them.

 

[zen-r]

OK, since jahought didn't return to this thread to explain his original joke (& I don't think that anyone else has yet).....here's a clue to those who may still be struggling;

René Descartes was a French philosopher famous for the saying "I think, therefore I am" (ie. "I am thinking, therefore I exist").
Re-read the original joke, & hopefully you should get it now (it wasn't that funny though, was it?!!)

Here's my quicky attempt to inject a small joke;

Police arrested two kids yesterday.... one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
.

 

[pbmuja]

Cool Joke

 

[warlordste]

lol

 

[woiwky]

Alright I got another:

Sven and Ole are out deer-hunting. Suddenly a man runs out of the woods waving his arms and yelling: "I'm not a deer! I'm not a deer!"
Sven shoots him dead.
Ole says: "Why did you shoot him? He said he wasn't a deer!"
To which Sven replies: "Oh! I thought he said he WAS a deer!"


But since you guys have probably heard that one before, I'll do one more:


A biker is riding by the zoo, when he sees a little girl
leaning into the lion's cage.

Suddenly, the lion grabs her by the cuff of her jacket, and
tries to pull her inside to slaughter her, in front of her
screaming parents. The biker jumps off his bike, runs to the
cage, and hits the lion square on the nose with a powerful
punch. Whimpering from the pain, the lion jumps back,
letting go of the girl, and the biker brings her to her
terrified parents, who thank him profusely.

A New York Times reporter has watched the whole event. The
reporter, addressing the biker, says, 'Sir, that was the
most gallant and brave thing I've seen a man do in my
whole life.' The biker replies, 'Why, it was
nothing, really. The lion was behind bars. I just saw this
little kid in danger, and acted as I felt right.' The
reporter says, 'Well, I'll make sure this won't
go unnoticed. I'm a journalist from the New York Times,
you know, and tomorrow's paper will have this story on
the front page. So, what do you do for a living and what
political affiliation do you have?''

The biker replies, 'I'm a US Marine, and a
Republican.'The journalist leaves.

The following morning the biker buys The New York Times to
see if it indeed brings news of his actions, and reads, on
the front page:
U.S. MARINE ASSAULTS AFRICAN IMMIGRANT AND STEALS HIS LUNCH

 

[zen-r]

It seems that the difficulty with jokes on this forum is that we all may live in different countries. Words & phrases may mean different things to different people, or cultural references may get lost on someone not from the same culture. As a result jokes may seem unfunny or not understood at all.

"Ahah" I thought, "Maths is a universal language. Let's find a maths joke & try that. So here are a few for you to test out. I'm not too sure that they work any better though!

• An infinite crowd of mathematicians enters a bar.
  The first one orders a pint, the second one a half pint, the third one a quarter pint...
  "I understand", says the bartender - and pours two pints.
• Q:What does the zero say to the the eight?
  A: Nice belt.
• Q: Why do you rarely find mathematicians spending time at the beach?
  A: Because they have sine and cosine to get a tan and don't need the sun!

If you don't understand these, you now need to go back to class & study a bit harder!

 

[ichwar]

It seems that the difficulty with jokes on this forum is that we all may live in different countries. Words & phrases may mean different things to different people, or cultural references may get lost on someone not from the same culture. As a result jokes may seem unfunny or not understood at all.

"Ahah" I thought, "Maths is a universal language. Let's find a maths joke & try that. So here are a few for you to test out. I'm not too sure that they work any better though!

* An infinite crowd of mathematicians enters a bar.
The first one orders a pint, the second one a half pint, the third one a quarter pint...
"I understand", says the bartender - and pours two pints.
* Q:What does the zero say to the the eight?
A: Nice belt.
* Q: Why do you rarely find mathematicians spending time at the beach?
A: Because they have sine and cosine to get a tan and don't need the sun!


If you don't understand these, you now need to go back to class & study a bit harder!

Honestly, I've been through math class, but I didn't get that first one.

Ok, here's another one.

A 4' tall spiritist is convicted of a crime and put into jail. Over night, he escapes from jail. The police are franticly looking all over the town for him, and when morning comes, they still can't find him. So they put a warning in the daily newspaper. A person walking by the newstand buys the paper and reads on the first page: "Small Medium at Large."

Ok, as zen-r said, we're all from different countries, so some of you might not get that one.

 

[zen-r]

Lol - I like that one.

Re the 1st maths joke: The barman obviously added up the total number of pints required by solving the equation (1 + 1/2 + 1/4 + 1/8 etc ...to infinity) & realised that the total would come to 2 pints.

Famous insults:

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception!

Do you think that I'll lose my looks when I get older?
With luck, yes!

You're so ugly, your dog has to close its eyes when it humps your leg!
.

 

[ichwar]

Re the 1st maths joke: The barman obviously added up the total number of pints required by solving the equation (1 + 1/2 + 1/4 + 1/8 etc ...to infinity) & realised that the total would come to 2 pints.

I maybe be wrong, but I think that you can add them up to infinity, but you will never get 2. You'll get closer every time, but you'll never actually get 2.0.

Am I mistaken?

 

[zen-r]

I maybe be wrong, but I think that you can add them up to infinity, but you will never get 2. You'll get closer every time, but you'll never actually get 2.0.

Am I mistaken?

Sorry, I could probably answer that one for you years ago (when my maths was a bit more fine-tuned!).

But now I can only say that you will probably either get 2.0, or you will get infinitely close to 2.0 (which may or may not be the same thing).

Perhaps we can throw this question open to the mathematicians amongst us?!

 

[ichwar]

Sorry, I could probably answer that one for you years ago (when my maths was a bit more fine-tuned!).

But now I can only say that you will probably either get 2.0, or you will get infinitely close to 2.0 (which may or may not be the same thing).

Perhaps we can throw this question open to the mathematicians amongst us?!

Yes, you will get infinitely close to 2.0, you'll get 1.99999999999999999999999999999999999 as far as the nines can go, but you'll never actually get 2.0.

I agree, let's throw this open to the mathematicians here at x10! Does anyone agree or disagree?

 

[zen-r]

Yes, you will get infinitely close to 2.0, you'll get 1.99999999999999999999999999999999999 as far as the nines can go, but you'll never actually get 2.0.

I agree, let's throw this open to the mathematicians here at x10! Does anyone agree or disagree?

I guess no-one on these forums can do maths!

Here's another one to keep the ball rolling;

A drunk walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "Bartender,
buy everyone in the house a drink, pour yourself one, and give me
the bill."

So, the bartender does just that and hands the man a bill for
$57.00. The drunk says, "I haven't got it."

The bartender slaps the guy around a few times then throws him out
into the street.

The very next day the same drunk walks into the bar and once again
says, "Bartender, buy everyone in the house a drink, pour yourself
one, and give me the bill."

The bartender looks at the guy and figures to himself that he
can't possibly be stupid enough to pull the same trick twice, so
he gives him the benefit of the doubt, pours a round of drinks for
the house, has a drink himself and hands the drunk a bill
for $67.00.

The drunk says, "I haven't got it."

The bartender can't believe it. He picks the guy up, beats the
living daylights out of him, then throws him out into the street.

The next day the same drunk walks back into the same bar and says,
"Bartender, buy every one in the house a drink, give me the bill.
In disgust, the bartender says, "What, no drink for me this time?"

The drunk replies, "You? No way! You get too violent when you
drink."
.
.

There are more jokes worth a look over on this new thread; http://forums.x10hosting.com/off-to...er-court-falling-off-laughing.html#post514686

But this thread is longer/ older, so let's keep it going!
.

 

[ichwar]

But this thread is longer/ older, so let's keep it going!
.

Agreed!

Ok, here's another one:

Two men go out hunting in the woods. By accident, on man shoots the other man because he wasn't being careful with his gun. So, the man immediately pulls out his cell phone and dials 911. When the agent picks up, he says: "Help, I've shot my friend by accident and I think he's dead. What should I do?"
The person on the other end of the line says: "First, make sure that he really is dead."
The hunter said "Ok, just a min." and a moment later the agent heard a gun shot and then "Alright, he's dead. Now what?"

Ok, it's not the funniest joke in the world, but it's all I can think of right now. I have a really good one about Sherlock Holmes somewhere. If I can dig it up, I'll post it next time.:biggrin:

 

[zen-r]

...Ok, it's not the funniest joke in the world, but it's all I can think of right now. I have a really good one about Sherlock Holmes sotmewhere. If I can dig it up, I'll post it next time.:biggrin:

Hehe.

I'm finding it quite hard to come up with any more funny jokes that are actually allowed on these forums. I'll await that Sherlock joke!
.

 

[ichwar]

Yeah, I'll try and post it some time tomorrow. It's probably my second most favorite joke. The three hunters being my first one. lol
Edit:
The more I think about the Descartes joke though, the funnier it gets. rofl

 

[woiwky]

I got the Descartes joke, but I didn't find it all that funny. Maybe because I've heard variants of it on several occasions.

Anyway, here's another. It might be a bit cliche, but I like it:

A priest, a Pentecostal preacher and a Rabbi all served as chaplains to the students of the University of Alabama in Tuscaloosa . They would get together two or three times a week for coffee and to talk shop. One day, someone made the comment that preaching to people isn't really all that hard. A real challenge would be to preach to a bear. One thing led to another and they decided to do an experiment. They would all go up to the Smokies, find a bear, preach to it, and attempt to convert it.


Seven days later, they're all together to discuss the experience.
Father Flannery, who has his arm in a sling, is on crutches, and has various bandages on his body and limbs, went first. 'Well,' he said, 'I went into the woods to find me a bear. And when I found him I began to read to him from the Catechism. Well, that bear wanted nothing to do with me and began to slap me around. So, I quickly grabbed my holy water, sprinkled him and, Holy Mary Mother of God, he became as gentle a lamb. The bishop is coming out next week to give him first communion and confirmation.'


Reverend Billy Bob spoke next. He was in a wheelchair, with an arm and both legs in casts, and an IV drip. In his best fire and brimstone oratory he claimed, 'WELL brothers, you KNOW that WE don't sprinkle! I went out and I FOUND me a bear. And then I began to read to my bear from God's HOLY WORD! But that bear wanted nothing to do with me. So I took HOLD of him and we began to wrestle. We wrestled down one hill, UP another and DOWN another until we came to a creek. So right quick-like, I DUNKED him and BAPTIZED his hairy soul. And just like you said, he became as gentle as a lamb. We spent the rest of the day praising Jesus.'


They both looked down at the rabbi, who was lying in a hospital bed. He was in a body cast and traction with IV's and monitors running in and out of him. He was in bad shape. The rabbi looks up and says,

'Looking back on it, circumcision may not have been the best way to start.'