Good Joke

[zen-r]

Just to continue the animal theme for woiwky, has this one been told yet?

A man walking along the street one day sees a sign in front of a nearby house "Talking Dog for Sale." He rings the doorbell and the owner tells him the dog is in the back yard. The guy goes into the back yard and sees a mutt sitting there.

"D'you talk?" he asks.

"Yep," the mutt replies.

"So, what's your story?"

The eloquent mutt looks up and says, "Well, I discovered this gift whilst quite young and I wanted to help the government. So I told the CIA about my gift, and in no time they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, 'cause no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies seven years running."

"All this jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger - I wanted to settle down. So I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security work - mostly wandering around near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings during my time there and was awarded several medals, one of which was from the President. I had an attractive wife, a mess of puppies, and now I think I've earned my retirement."

The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog. The owner says "Ten dollars."

The guy immediately says he'll buy the mutt, but asks the owner, "This talking dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him for ten dollars?"

The owner replies, "He's such a liar!"

 

[ichwar]

lol

 

[garrettroyce]

Yay jokes!

 

[ichwar]

do you have a joke? that might be more helpful than "yay jokes"

 

[zen-r]

do you have a joke? that might be more helpful than "yay jokes"

Perhaps it was a link to this site ;

http://www.yayjokes.com/

hehe.

 

[goldblue]

Jokes... I love jokes. Thks!

 

[ichwar]

Perhaps it was a link to this site ;

http://www.yayjokes.com/

hehe.

Maybe... I don't normally associate sentences with website urls. He could of at least put a .com at the end of it. :naughty:

 

[warlordste]

great jokes

 

[zen-r]

This thread is still alive!.....

A big papa mole, a medium-sized mama mole, and a teeny-weeny baby mole all live together in a little mole hole.

One day, papa mole sticks his head out of the hole, sniffs the air and says, "Yum! I smell maple syrup!"

The mama mole sticks her head out of the hole, sniffs the air and says, "Oh, Yum! I smell honey!"

Now little baby mole tries to stick his head out of the hole to sniff the air, but can't because the bigger moles are in his way. This makes him whine, "Geez, all I can smell is...

... MOLASSES!"

 

[ichwar]

lol

I've got one.

A panda walks into a resteraunt and orders himself a meal. The waiter brings him his food and then goes back to get the bill. When he comes back, he sees that the panda has finished, and as he comes up to the table, the panda stands up, takes out a pistol, shoots a few holes in the wall and then walks out of the resturant.
The waiter looks after him oddly, and wonders what kind of animal that was. So he goes to the back pulls out and animal guide book, and after flipping through a few pages says to himself: "Yep, that must have been a panda, 'cause it says here: 'Eats: Shoots, and Leaves'."

 

[zen-r]

Hehe. There's a book on punctuation with that title as well.

Good to see ichwar posting jokes again!

 

[theexefiles]

I like the Rene joke

This is the true story of George Phillips of Meridian, Mississippi, who was going to bed when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the shed. George opened the door to go turn off the light but saw there were people in the shed in the process of stealing things.

He immediately phoned the police, who asked "Is someone in your house?" and George said no and explained the situation. Then they explained that all patrols were busy, and that he should simply lock his door and an officer would be there when available.

George said, "Okay," hung up, counted to 30, and phoned the police again.

"Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people in my shed. Well, you don't have to worry about them now because I've just shot them all."

Then he hung up. Within five minutes three squad cars, an Armed Response unit, and an ambulance showed up. Of course, the police caught the burglars red-handed.

One of the policemen said to George: "I thought you said that you'd shot them!"

George said, "I thought you said there was nobody available!"

 

[zen-r]

Lol. I can believe that!

 

[upholster]

yes, nice joke! But I think "...how those crooked politicians" TALK not lie...

 

[ichwar]

yes, nice joke! But I think "...how those crooked politicians" TALK not lie...

No, believe me, it's LIE.

 

[xxll_martin_llxx]

Young man walking along pier sees an old man with his shoes off, trousers rolled up, legs dangling in the water & fishing with an imaginary rod!

Puzzled, young man asks "what you up to mate?"
Older man says "Fishing for fannys"
Young man replies "Fishing for fannys? Sounds good can I have a go?"
"Of course you can pull up a pew son"

He sits down casts out an imaginary rod and says
"So how many fannys you caught so far?"

The old guy says "Your the third this morning"

 

[ichwar]

Young man walking along pier sees an old man with his shoes off, trousers rolled up, legs dangling in the water & fishing with an imaginary rod!

Puzzled, young man asks "what you up to mate?"
Older man says "Fishing for fannys"
Young man replies "Fishing for fannys? Sounds good can I have a go?"
"Of course you can pull up a pew son"

He sits down casts out an imaginary rod and says
"So how many fannys you caught so far?"

The old guy says "Your the third this morning"

lol
Edit:

Hehe. There's a book on punctuation with that title as well.

Yeah, that's where I got it from. That book is a must read. It's hilarious.

 

[nuno_18]

good

 

[zen-r]

Young man walking along pier sees an old man...

....The old guy says "Your the third this morning"

Lol. If someone tried that in real life, they'd be sure to get a good dunking!

Further to the mathematical debate involving infinity, which raged earlier in this thread, here's a nice little theorem which I came across recently ;

"Salary Theorem" states that "Engineers & Scientists can never earn as much as Bankers & Sales People."
This theorem can now be supported by a mathematical equation based on the following two postulates:


1. Knowledge is Power.
2. Time is Money.
As every engineer knows:
Power = Work / Time
& Since:
Knowledge = Power
Time = Money
It follows that:


Knowledge = Work / Money.
Solving for Money, we get:
Money = Work / Knowledge.
Thus, as Knowledge approaches zero, Money approaches infinity, regardless of the amount of work done.


Conclusion:
The less you know, the more you make!

 

[ichwar]

lol