You get nothing -- the machine appears to be jammed -- but when you hit the coin return button, a Somewhat Clenched Hand of Being Slightly Miffed tumbles down the change chute, along with a variety of Tongan coins. You are slightly miffed, and your hands clench somewhat.
You get that massive Higgs bozo, and are surprised to learn that the source of all of the conjecture was a stupid spelling mistake when somebody at CERN took a phone message for one of the technicians.
You get a fortune cookie containing a mildly schizophrenic note thanking you on the one hand for (finally!) using conventional money, and on the other chastising you severely for your lack of imagination. For what it's worth, the cookie itself was delicious.
You are immediately served by Scientology lawyers claiming that you could never have possessed it in the first place without unauthorized (and patent- and copyright-infringing) use of The Tech. An aura of contentment emerges from the machine, but a hastily-prepared court order allows the lawyers to put it into an envelope labelled "OT9???" and take it back to Clearwater for study.
You get the raging public mass for daring to steal or maim the precious Twitter bird. The United Nations declares you as a public enemy, while China's government eagerly offers you asylum behind its authoritarian borders. You must now decide between a biased trial or Chinese rule.
The machine moves fourteen feet to the left, writes an "X" on one of the floor tiles, and ejects a Snickers bar. Then it moves one tile to the right, encounters a scuff mark on the floor, and enters a non-halting loop (but eventually runs out of Snickers).
After unplugging the machine and restarting it, I insert an anonymous function.